One of those posts where I'm just noting down what's on my mind. I honestly think that I want to study in Korea. It is because of Kpop - I'm not gonna lie - but what's actually more important to me: I want to do something completely risky and what-doesn't-kills-you-makes-you-stronger thing. You know being Asian, growing up with everything you need you tend to have this I-don't-care-attitude and float around in this ocean called life like nobody's business. Ok not really, it's your parent's business. All my life, my parents have been doing a more than over-enthu job of caring for me: they decide what I should wear, what I should become, whom I should marry, what I should eat and who is my favourite musician. I think it's about time that I do something on my own, with no over-protective hysterical deciders around.
So I've been looking around Korean universities and it's all cool, except: the super awesome ones want you to tell them about all the international piano competitions you have won, how many beauty queen titles you hold and more 'personal achievements' (like conquering the Mt. Everest?) The others want money.
Back to the problem. I don't have money. And I'd need my parents permission to do it. But, didn't I say that I want to do things on my own? So this is as far as you go biatch? I could work for the money though, but I'm still not that kind of person who'd abscond like that. Seriously, life is complicated.

I want to study International Relations or International Business Management somehow. Since I grew up between two worlds, I actually liked international relations when I 1st heard of it years ago. As for business management, I'm attracted to it, because I'm totally not the business/ politics person. I have no clue about those stuffs at all, and it's really not the kind of thing I'd do, but that's where the fun starts, aye? Also, I always wanted to be a rich business woman bitch. So yes, as a matter of fact, I need to do it. I mean, what do my parents expect? That they can take care of me til I die? I wish they could~ So, when, when not now?

I'm hereby praying to all the gods, ghosts, 神様s, heaven and even hell if you can help me out (no, I cannot offer you my soul or anything else) to please make it happen!

Chu, Ailing

Make you Feel My Love - Myko Dela Cruz

Suddenly thought that this blog was way too beautiful to let it rot.
So here comes my list of happenings and would-be happenings from recent times.
I absolutely need a pro camera! The picture further down was taken with the Galaxy Note.

Beneath the roof of sleeping leaves the dreams of trees unfold.
When woodland halls are green and cool, and the wind is in the west,
Come back to me, come back to me and say my land is best!

2013 S O F A R

• I or my tweets are the epitome of superficiality.
  I didn't notice until my friend once said that I was so superficial sometimes (my reply: 'I am always superficial').
  But indeed only talking abt looks (weight, BMI, legs, circle lenses, hair color, aegyo sal, butt shapes, Yuri's unacceptable plainness, etc) and shopping (slow DHL, taxes, sale, out of stock, wrong size, etc) is a bit sad/ bitter.
  
  But it would be even a bit sadder if I felt that I had to hide my pitiful personality. In fact, I don't mind being superficial. I rather think we should all be a bit more honest about our superficial view of the world.
  
  
• I bought this fab Digital Weallate Tee from YOURꙄƎYƎLIE.
  
  I love the beautiful, beautiful untypical summery, nostalgic print.
  It's like a Lana Del Rey song, a touch of romance, a touch of reality. Ok wait, I know only one of her songs - Blue Jeans #swog
  Although print stuffs have become so popular, I only own a galaxy print knit sweater til now. I've seen many nice printed garments, but none of them immediately won me over like this tee.
  
  
• During a recent shopping tour w/ A. she suddenly asked - while walking behind me -
  - Do you do special butt workouts?
  - No! WTF?!
  - Your ass looks like a friggin apple!
  *both laughing like mad*
  - I think it's because my jeans are super tight and nearly bursting!
  
  I then found out that apple-shaped butts really exist as a technical term.
  
  Bought a super nice on-sale kids leggings from H&M for 12-13Y! It's made out of dark blue textured corduroy(ish stuff). I think textured fabrics are going to be super in soon. Mark my words
  
  As a matter of fact, I always check out the kid's department, because I fit into EU size 158 (the equivalent CN size is 160-166 - explains everything).
  
  
• A frn recently said that if I had a boyfriend, he'd be damn lucky, cuz I was such a cool person.
  I only thought, 'yeah sure.... cuz I'd be his best bro'.
  Cy explained that partners need to share some interests to stay together and then added, 'that means Jonghoon would be perfect' and then we both were like 'CUZ HE FRIGGIN LOVES HIMSELF'
  
  
• #Boyinterests Hellsing OVA X is totally stupid!
  Lame, lame, lame throughout!
  
  I wanted Alucard to marry Integra! Seras could be their child.
  
  Oh man, no more Hellsing! I'm dying.
  
  
• Cy's kareshi came over during Christmas and New Year!! I really keep my fingers crossed for them both!
  Cy's going to visit him in February!
  
  
  Lunch w/ them on 31st

  Tagliolini nere alla marinara

  
  On this note: Some days ago a stranger obaa-san suddenly spent half on our bending my ears w/ the story of her son marrying a Japanese women from Osaka.
  
  
• I went jogging.
  Yes, I am ashamed of myself.
  
  I gained weight during Christmas. And can't make it to the gym often enough (in fact I have to start all over again w/ my bodybuilding routine).
  
  So, I went jogging.

That's it!

Bye for now L O V E N G L I T T E R
Chu, Ailing

NILLILI MAMBO - Block B

It did snow over here, but not in such a measure that it would allow or in any way justify the use of such a daring header pic...
It's still beautiful.
New York, too.



I thought that as a blogger the only decent thing to do is to use every excuse to forge a blog post.
That's why - junking my most basic personality-defining source-of-pride principles - I'm providing you with this piece of news happening in my life.

It isn't even exactly news for those who follow my twitter.
Being the would-be popular blogger I am, I can of course count on your not-following-ness.



So - wind back - I've got NEWS

As you know, Cy and I are regular gym visitors since more than a month and some visits ago, the trainer asked me if I could model some shoes for his friend who runs a photo studio.
I did not say yes, I only confirmed that I had the right shoe size.
The trainer took this as a promise and promptly OK'd to some 4th person who suddenly called shortly afterwards So, I had no choice but to accept

Well, there's one thing about me which nearly defines everything I do:

I have an ultra intense love-hate relationship towards typical things

means

acutally I uber hate typical things, but some things are so incredibly typically typical that my hatred goes loopy and turns into eternal love

As for part modeling: uber hatred
Why: there's nearly nothing as act-fame as saying 'I'm a hair model', 'I'm a hand model', etc
I could go ballistic everytime I hear girls introducing themselves as 'Half Swiss Half Thai, I'm a hair model'

Like fuck, even if you are the most best hair model in the world, nobody will know your name/ face ever!
Being the most unknown normal model, is still better!

That's why, I'm actually not available for those things.
Whole-body modelling is 10000 times better.


Please, don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against hand models, etc, but even if you don't intend to brag about it, it's not something you tell people, without them asking directly for it, because it is embarassing
Because, people will assume that you're telling them to show-off.
And it's such a sad thing to show off (except you make a living out of it, then it's not a sad thing to show-off, but you still shouldn't tell everyone, because showing-off remains a sad thing to do)





Admittedly, foot modeling is very comfortable and quick.
I came, I modelled the sandals, I left - 30 bucks richer, 20 min later.

(20 min includes time to clarify a few details, to adjust softboxes and change cam and akward erm-ing).

Although the shoes were only a few cm high, I somehow had my dear problems standing on one foot, while graciously bending the other leg

(Oh, before I forget: my feet aren't exactly pretty)



So yeah~ that's the world-shattering news



Another story to show you how my typical things love-hatred works :

Today a group of 20-ish deaf-mutes tried to kid around with me. It was so funny and fascinating, because they were like every other group of guys, only that they couldn't hear anything (I know and knew of course that they were normal people, but to see it live is another thing).
Like there's always one guy in the group who makes a fool out of himself, and then there are the others who act v sensible (and threaten to beat the fool up if he keeps behaving like an idiot) and so on...
The fool was actually showing me his certificate of disability (at least I guess that's what it was), while the others tried to hold him back and others again gesticulatingly told me that he was crazy. And they were damn handsome and confident. Super cool!

Normally it's normal people who make fun out of disabled persons, but this time the deaf guys teased me, because I couldn't understand what they were saying!
So cool somehow

That's it! Tomorrow is my birthday

Chu, Ailing

P/S:닐리리맘보(NILLILI MAMBO) - by Block B is a dope ass song! I linked it at the top of this entry!!!

I love the typical Asian lowlife small-time criminal shit! (you see what I did there?)


Oh yeah and the guy with pony-tail is dope! I friggin love guys with pony-tails!!!
Why? Because it looks awesome and is such an untypical hair style for guys!!! (omg- double you see what I did there)

SKYFALL - Adele

Just came home from watching SKYFALL and felt very inspired to write a short post about it!




Actually, I hate starting new posts, because it painfully reminds me of all the waiting drafts I still have and probably won't ever finish I think even the devil couldn't finish them, however badly he wanted my soul


Back to James Bond
Can I say I love Bond w/o sounding like a band-wagoning act-nerd attention whore? I didn't really like the movies tbh, but I love the character!

I just naturally feel totally attracted to teenage secret agents who have a mysterious past, are intelligent as fuck, have an indomitable will to live and incredible talent in fighting (mostly they have lost their parents at an early age, too).
James Bond, Bruce Wayne, Uchiha Sasuke, Sai,... you name them LOL

(Seraz Victoria, Sir Integra Fairbroux Wingates Hellsing, Éowyn)

I'm note quite sure why, but I find such characteres extremely fascinating
In the case of Bond, there exist books about his teenage adventures, which are a great matrix for my obsession

found on tumblr. love it

Well, I think I might like characters such as Bond so much, because my mother wanted to raise me to be a strong individual.
She succeeded more or less: I never complain (hunger, pain, etc), I always try to manage everything alone, I never let my feelings take over, I am just 100% controlled (ok maybe 99%). Also, I hate to be weak.
I'm only totally unathletic and can't stand insects

And now I ended up admiring people who are - so to say - perfect.
It's this total strength regarding whatever aspect about them that I love But above all I admire their absolute willpower.


I want to be a slick killer too!




Until recently I thought I could be able to kill people if necessary (say if my parents were mudered, I would do everything to hunt those mafiosi down and execute my deadly revenge, or in case of a Zombie Apocalypse, I'd be among the hardcore-st survival fighters,...), but after several dreams in which I didn't had the guts to do what I had to do (and 1 rl experience), I'm not so sure anymore...

Because, if dreams reveal the truth about us... then I'm too kind-heartet wtf Whereas in other people's dreams it's the opposite, they are always surprised about killing people.
The only thing I ever killed in a dream was a stupid monster, which was part of the 'safety measures' of a maximum security prison. I had to break in there in order to get my brother out Very exciting dream, but I woke up too early wtf

Maybe I'm weak and I don't like it.

Anyway, it's raining, raining, raining right now and I just love to site here, beneath my window (which acts as a great drumhead for the raindrops, while my whole room is the sound box) listening to the rain and write about things which are in my head.

Ah~ I wish I were James Bond, or at least one of his bitches, so my life would be more exciting

Btw, I think that Walter C. Dornez from Hellsing is named after Bond's Walther, because Walter also makes firearms for the Hellsing Organization, especially custom guns for Alucard (which look nothing like the Walther).

Sir Integra Hellsing is a 22-year-old member of the Protestant Knights, the leader of the Hellsing Organization, and the current master of Alucard. Integra has a very collected attitude, rarely allowing her emotions to get in the way of business. However, she is sometimes prone to bouts of anger. [...]she values her duties to protect the United Kingdom, its Queen, and the Anglican Church above everything else. For her, failure is not tolerated, especially her own. She runs the Hellsing Organization with charisma and patriotism, and she is one of the few people who can stand up to the force of Alucard's personality and command his respect.

source

And I guess it's wrong to be disappointed by one's inability to kill people , but hey, it's because I'm too kind



cold killer greetings,
Chu, Ailing

P/S: Oh I forgot!

My birthday is in exactly a week, so everybody must think of nice presents for me ja?
はい、は~い、that's it!

Valse Sentimentale - Tchaikovsky

What is this? It's a NEW BLOG POST! 時間だ!

Lately (since a few years when even I finally started to develop sth similar to self-reflection actually) I have been thinking much much about my personlity


Triggered by a certain event in Paris recently, a new thought added up to the many questions and theories I already have about myself.

And, I'd never thought that I'd say sth like this seriously, but I think

I AM TOO NICE

Ok, ok you all know me as an malicious individual, being extremely fond of cursing people, who loves to bully poor smelly life simple-minded fellow men around and and and
I just love hating?


But, my lifetime bestie once already said this and I haven't forgotten it since then:
I once asked her if I was more a butch (maskuline woman) or a femme (femminine woman).
Because I noticed in my school's toilet, where we partly have paper dispensers to dry the hands, that there are girls who in the most brutal way whack this little lever down and just teeearrrr the paper out!
Then again there are dollies who just take ages to move that lever down and obtain their paper to dry their hands.


I was wondering whether I was more the brute or the softie and my friend said I was quite 和缓!!! (means being gentle, mild, kind etc)

I never expected that, I always believed that I'm a bloody unelegant plonker, who has nothing of a refined woman.

And in Paris in some Café we observed a Chinese lady who was about to leave and woah she took her time to pack her stuff, I tell you.
My friend said she looked me, so I asked whether I was so slowpcoach-ish and lethargic,too. And she said yes.


And together with this hehuan attitude of mine, I'm also damn naive and happy-go-lucky one!
Until now I thought that this is quite a good quality, because I'm not in a bad mood often, I'm always positive about things, I'm always content and happy with whatever I'm having to deal with and according to The Secret I attract more and more happy things because of this! *throws confetti*


But now I'm also taking into consideration that I'm also very vulnerable, prone to betrayal and other bad things which just happen in life, if you are too ingenuous to take precautions
If you just blindly trust!

(

I'd like to note that with trust I'm not talking about persons, because wordly things can't touch me, I'm talking about sth like trust your luck)

It's kinda really making me think a lot nowadays I'm not quite sure if I should try and be more suspicious or careful?
My parents are super anxious all the time, my friends too, and until now I found that super irritating, annoying and old-fashioned!!!

Why can't they be all positive and happy-fluffy-sunny like me?

It seems to me that there's always something about anything which makes them dissatisfied, which gives them reason to worry, which is cause for concern, which spoils the whole thing.

I super hate negative persons , I don't care what happened to them in the past or whatever oh-so-philosophical ideology might be behind this, I never accept negative attitudes!


But yes, maybe I'm too childish, maybe I'm dumb, I don't know.
Maybe I should change, I don't know.



And now, in view of ocassions and to further underline my pollyannaish and entirely deluded attitude to life, three pictures I did ytd night and today
Hit by some sudden inspiration:

The idea behind #1 is that, everything, starting from yourself, can be either beauty or uglyiness depending on how you look at it.
We should always keep and open eye and heart for all the wonderful things in life.
Imperfection can turn into the opposite and vice versa.


Xcution: The background has no special meaning at all, I just thought the colors are very nice. Of course, I know a certain teacher of mine, who could interprete all sorts of stuff into these dull, grey-ish colours

The font for Perfection is very very classic, very elegant, well-proportioned and even. It represents the word itself.

The font for I'M is clearly handwritten styled. The irregularities reflect everybody's or MY individuality. I'm not even talking about flaws or anything. It's simply, that we are all different and cannot be like the Perfection letters, we can't be all the same. But, nevertheless we are all perfect. Because they are bolder than the other thin letters (again opportunity to interprete shit!) they also emphasize the I AM and allow them to gain center stage.

#2 is from the idea quite lame and I don't completely support it.
The word Beauty is punned into it's syllables, which conveniently are homophonic to the words Be and You.

You could also read, 'Be You, Thank You', which again could be interpreted in different ways

The message: Beauty is Being Yourself.


Xcution: Oh yeah the background is pink, the color of girls, who like to be beautiful. I admit that this picture's message is not the only thing lame about it LOL. The grey and white stripes were just impedimenta to make it seem like more work. It may or may not look better without them.

The font again is hand-written to convey the message of individuality better. To show that Beauty lies in you, in everyone of us!!! The problem about this idea is that you have to be careful to avoid visual assocations with YOUTUBE, since most of us frequent that site so often that the letters yout are automatically saved in connection with that video streaming site (see?!).

Er the main focus lies on the big Y, again to further foreground the YOU! I chose a font which copies the font in elementary school books, you know when they learn how to write properly. It mocks the idea of individual beauty, because it's trying to establish an aesthetic norm.
At the same time, the outlined font and the little pens 'flying' around it, make it seems like it some kind of decorative, baroque style thing, with all the flowery, pompous beauty that comes with it. It's supposed add this simple touch of beauty to the whole image.

Last, but not least is #3. Maybe this is a bit harder to understand?
Again a wordplay on 'Beauty'!!!
The message is the same as in #1, and very much my philosophy of life!

At 1st you read Life is full of BUT, meaning, many people never do anything, always complain, in the manner of I'd like to be like this, but.
But is everywhere.

If you re-read you will hopefully see those little dots and magically the sentence turns into Life is full of Beauty/ Bee-Yu-Tee.

See EVERYTHING magically and wonderfully turns into Beauty depending on your state of mind!


Xcution: I must disappoint you, colors and fonts are just for aesthetics!

Ok, end of this wordy post!
I will post soon again, about my other hobbies - FASHON & DIZAIN!!!!


Chu, Ailing