Coffee Shop - BAP

1st Nov, my favourite month has begun!
The whole purpose of this post is to celebrate ㅋㅋㅋhahaha
(Yesterday's cheat day dins in the pic)


I like November because it's damn dark and miserable.
The days become friggin' short, there's frost, fog and that depressing, piercing cold drizzle (I wish, todays was sunny as hell).
It's the long, void month before Christmas season and I guess the last opportunity for people to realize that they are finally stepping into the long, cold winter. It just makes people fall into despair!!


On the other side, I like how the coldness makes the warmth much more precious, giving it a therapeutic and symbolic character, of love, piece and safety.
That's why I love holidays like Hallowe'en or St. Martin's Day, they are all about gathering about light. I dunno, it creates such a cozy feeling.



On a sidenote I especially like early winter times in old England. There's something that fascinates me about the life there back then. I must ellaborate and bore you with this subject one day.



Not to forget, it's my birthday month. I celebrate myself in the midth of the dark hahaha
When I was younger I hated being born in November. It would have felt much more girly-girl-isher and princess-like if I was born in Spring or Summer, right?
I really thought I was at a huge disadvantage for being a boring autumn child and less worthy than my classmates who were borin in April or July ㅋ

How is procrastinating so.... I don't know.. hard to stop once you start?
I don't mind doing homework regularly when I'm doing it, but when I'm not doing it, I can't.



Like now....


So, we are moving... again. This is the 7th time? (didn't I count 7 times last time I checked?)
Anyway, so yeah, but this is probably the last time.


As always I'm super excited to decorate the new home, but this time (as I matured haha) I try to incorporate my parents' personal style (as far as they have one) into my concepts and also I tried to find a decor for me that would last for a long time.
I came to the conclusion that I wanted an ecclectic, English country, exotic mix for my parents and an ecclectic, boho, Scandinavian something for myself. This my sound impossible to create, but since when have I ever chosen to easy way.

As a true design freak, I have already planned through the complete hallway from door to plants, and the guest toilet (and part of the garden and the front yard and gate).
When it comes to design I'm a terrible absolute perfectionist, everything has to be perfect, I don't compromise (see my waste basket, around 60 bucks). I'd rather spent some extra bucks for a door knob then living with an ugly one, or if I can't find any that I like, then screw the door knob, better live w/o it.


Anw, moving is really fun, I hope everything turns out how I want it!!!

너 아니면 안되는 걸 - SHINee

I noticed that lately I tend to only focus on the bad things. Which is so not me?
At times I'm thinking, 'What good thing has ever happened to me?' Whereas 'good thing' is sth link winning the Noble Price without really deserving it.
...

Ok I guess such things don't happen at all. But how about 'winning 1,000,000 $$$'?

Even those things don't happen too often, even less to my peers. (I could still add 'being scouted/ casted', 'marrying a star/millionaire', etc)

So I realize where the fuck do you take those frigging standards from? 'good things' happen like to nobody.
And it makes me feel like a damned spoiled brat who wants to work for nothing, but thinks she deserved everything.


And indeed in my life so far I have never really exhausted myself for anything and everything always worked out the way I wanted.

You could say that I had everything.

And now I'm more or less expecting things to continue like this, but with bigger goals. Which is plain ridiculous.
So I should stop my whining, like seriously



So in this post I shall focus on the good things that happened to me that I tend to ungratefully shove away too easily.

1. I WON A GIVE-AWAY

Which really is one of those things that don't happen too often to anyone. I guess it is even a 'good thing'.
And it's not really a lousy give-away, but a YSL give-away by my idol the awesome Shini from Park&Cube.

In case you are too lazy to check, I won 5 YSL Rouge Pur Couture The Mats lipsticks (must spell out the long-ass names to savour it...), 1 YSL Le Teint Touche Éclat foundation and 1 YSL La Laque Couture nail polish.

The nail polish couldn't be sent to me due to idk shipping restrictions or so I was given the Pixi Flawless Finishing Powder. (Which is a shame actually, but hey, we deserve nothing and I love the powder!!)

I also love how YSL products smell! Ever since I got my first YSL lipgloss back in the days I have been loving this YSL scent~


I was asked by my friends to share the lipsticks with them. And even though you can't say that I am a greedy person at all (at least not regarding gifts, etc) I think I can't share them with anyone.
Because for one, it would defy the purpose of making me happy if I were to give away the shades I like and keep the more difficult to wear dark shades. On the other hand it would be stupid to give away the darks shades too and only keep the ones that are 'good' (Right now I realize, that I'm not sure if I had asked to share if I knew my friend had won sth similar).

So I have decided to keep all the lipsticks and to share them with my mother. This is good, because I feel I can't do enough good things for her, she likes and needs expensive make-up only and she won't use the stuff anyway hahaha
I will also give her the foundation, because I still have my Lancôme one and she wanted one and it isn't my skin tone, too
I will also offer to give her the powder because I also still have my MAC powder.


Am I not nice or am I nice not?

2. I LOST AND HAD MY PURSED RETURNED

That not good Engrish.

I was shopping with my mother and for the first time in my life I completely forgot about my purse in the fitting room.
Only an aeon later did I realized it. My mother was professional enough not to freak out and we asked the salesladies. But nobody had seen one or had been give a purse.
We nearly went back to Zara to look for it there when I luckily remembered that I still had it when we left Zara.

I thought of looking between the clothing racks to see if I had left it there, but my mother told me to ask the cashier while she would investigate with the salesladies around the fitting rooms again.

Finally they told her the bag could only be at the service point 2 floors up. (WHY, WHY NOT SAY EARLIER?)

I had completely given up, why would it be at some completely different floor? If one of the shop assistants had found it they would for sure know where it is right? And not had us search around for so long only to finally guess that it could be further up.
And if a shopper had found it, why would they go through the trouble to bring the back somewhere else, when the most logical thing to do is to just hand it to the next saleslady? And who even remembers the existence of such service point?

I was already grieving for my belongings. The purse itself, a very unique super old H&M fabric messenger, which was as simple as it gets, with super many compartments. It was in it's own way perfect.
But the think I would be the saddest over was the loss of my amazing relatively new wallet. It was also in its own way perfect and I love it so much. The woven leather, the golden metal details, the compartments, everything!! Still to this day when I use it I feel a bit happy. Oh should it have really left me for good?
And then all my IDs in it...
Then also got my phone... I don't really cling to it, but just the thought of always losing my phones in such a inhumane, ridiculous why was very frustrating.


Anyway up we went and as it happens I saw my bag lying behind the counter. My heart skipped a beat. What the...?
The woman who has brought it there must be an angel (a siao angel maybe haha)
I should be forever grateful to her....




So in conclusion good things happen after all and I am just a whiny spoilt bitch.
Chu, Ailing

soyogi - FT Island

Yesterday I learnt an important lesson.
But first, today is one of those incredible sunny days, that I didn't had the chance to learn to appreciate the last few years. In my room at home it gets really hot really fast, so I had one more reason to hate sunny days, other than hating brightness and hotness in general.
In my new room bright sunny days don't heat up the whole place so it is much easier to appreciate.
The whole apartment is very bright actually, and the kitchen looks especially friendly and sunny so I like it!

I cleaned and mopped the whole apartment today - involuntarily. I planned to flood the sink with detergents and water (to clean it without cleaning it), but forgot about it while I vacuumed. The result is that the bathroom and half the hall were flooded.
I was really worried that the neighbour from downstairs would come and ask about some water damage - the costs would finally kill me. Luckily I managed to deal with the masses of water and wiped the whole floor! I packed the whole place, washed the dishes, showered and now that everything is clean, it feels really comfortable to stay here.

Now, I don't know what to do. Since I'm dieting I can't eat (which would be my 1st choice to do whenever I'm bored). I really need to get a grip. Sometimes I am eating quite much and it doesn't affect my weight at all, sometimes I'm eating not soo much and end up with a higher weight....
I went food shopping today and my haul consists of: blueberries, bananas, buttermilk (for smoothies), two instant soups and a yoghurt (cherry buttermilk). I was afraid I might freak out if I don't have an extra safety food, so I bought the yoghurt ㅋㅋ
I don't want to eat yet though, I'm really clueless about what to do. It is also a tad to bright, so staring at this screen makes my eyes really tired~ I'm not even sitting at my desk, which is next to the window, but on my bed. It's a completely new experience for me to work (with my laptop) on my bed. I'm a desk person and before moving here and seeing my roommate sometimes studying on her bed, I have never even thought of that ㅋ
Anyway then I remembered I said I'd blog and yesterday really happened sth that I want to remember for the rest of my life, hence I must write it down.


I was supposed to post some documents by Tuesday. Of course I procrastinated and didn't made it to the post office on time on Sat (in my defence, I googled that it'd be open until late). So I mailed all the stuff on Monday by express, so it would arrive fo sho on Tuesday. As Tuesday came I tracked my letter, and lo! it hadn't moved one inch.
So I contacted the post office to check where my letter actually was, because often their tracking lags behind. After several forwarding and redirection - by now it was 8.45pm - my letter had finally moved, it departed from where I had posted it.
I kept tracking it til 3am the next day to see if it might have arrived in time (before Tue midnight) but as I found out on Wednesday morning, it hadn't even arrived at the right town. Again I mailed every possible people from the post office and the people who were to receive my letter, explaining my situation, but of course nobody replied.
Finally my letter arrived - at 11.35am. Had to wait until 1pm before I could phone the bureau. And then at one number the person didn't even care to pick up and at the other I had to call several times, before no one was busy and then wait somemore until someone picked up. It was a young-ish sounding guy who just kept telling me that it was impossible to do sth about the letter, that he was sorry, but couldn't help me at all. I swear for half an hour I begged, cried and did all the dramatic things I could think of - I couldn't soften his heart. Eventually he explained the rules again and hung up. I was literally devastated.
I told my friend about it, she told me that it couldn't be, that they had to make an exception since it was the fault of the delivery guys and that I should try everything.
I don't know how I thought of it, but I successfully googled the numbers of each employee of the office. I directly called the manager and he picked up immediately. I started to say that I had a problem with my letter when he already asked me how he could help me. After explaining my situation, he sympathize with me very much (stupid post office people/ how much you pay ah?). Then he finally ask if I had a proof, I told him I had an apology of them. So he gave me his e-mail address, and I forward the apology to him. He wanted the receipt of posting (because of some legal reasons), too, which luckily I still had and then told me that everything was gonna work out! I was so so relived and happy! Against all odds I had worked it out!!

And finally, what did I learn from this story?
Firstly, never give up, try everything (many thanks to my friend) and 2ndly know your rights!!

If I had known about there being a law regarding this date and that a mistake by the delivery company was an exception, I wouldn't have bothered to put on an act calling the first guy, I'd straightforward say 'you know what? fuck you I know my rights, so do what I'm telling you to do, you midget'
The law is so important! I knew it before but never had really internalised this reality. It is much easier to fight for our rights if we know the legal background.

Oh and how about, stop procrastinating? Guess I will never learn that one~
Anyway, I wish sth v bad to happen to the first guy. Not like I want to curse him, as he just followed the rules, but I want sth happen to him that make him think~ Like karma!
E.g. his new apple product got stolen, his car broke (and he can't afford a new car) or he lost sth v special to him, or his wash machine flood his whole apartment, things like that that make him think, 'That could be because I didn't help that crying girl....naaah....(what if yes?)'


Ok, ending it here. Super long-winded and boring ㅋㅋ
Chu, Ailing

Summertime Sadness - Daniela Andrade & Gia Margaret

It is funny, disappointing, annoying, astonishing how things you learn at school do influence you after all.
For example, we talked about addictions and/ or mental illnesses during middle school. Everyone had to pair with someone and prepare a presentation about a certain illness for the whole class. I covered anorexia, bulimia and adiposity.
And now I'm generally very interested in (and also fascinated by) eating disorders. But I think it's also because I want to be very skinny.

Another point is that I once interned at a hospital at (in?) the ward for internal medicine. In particular we had many patients who had problems with their alimentary canal. And oh wonder, you could say that it's the most interesting topic concerning medicine for me now.
Although it is very disgusting (digestion!) - I saw a 200kg guy who had a gigantic hole in the middle of his ass idk what they did there but you could fit two fists in that hole, I've seen people with full stomata (that's an artificial anus, i.e. a plastic bag where your shit is collected instead) dropping out of the hole of their bellies or my cousin told me she saw people throwing up their own shit, hands down possibly the most disgusting aspect of medicine on living(!) humans - I still like it the most (ok that might be exaggerated).


So y'all should be careful about what you learn, you might like it later on~



More funny things! My relationship with food! Funny how it can change so fast and so extreme!
On certain days I be like, 'what does it even matter? hand me that mayonnaise bro, we gon eat like no tomorrow' and on other days, 'omgwtf this glass of water I just drank! Just this feeling of fullness already makes me sick. Fuck this bad conscience although I know that it has 0 cal! What should I do?! I will never lose weight!!'.

Now someone explain that. I wish I was more often on that water is evil- side, but it isn't granted me.
At least this speaks volumes about human psyche; we are all fragile. And it shows how easy it actually is to develop an eating disorder (not for me though, I'm still going strong ww x).
Anyway, when I first gathered some information about this topic and probably it's the same thing for most of you, too - we think it's impossible for us to stick a toothbrush down our throat or to be disgusted by the 'bloating' of a glass of water. But now I could say that these opinions change to the exact opposite from one day to an other just like that.

What I want to say is, most of our judging is based on comparisons with recent standards. We adjust our standards to current circumstances and rarely pit our deeds or thoughts against higher ideals. Examples? People who grow up in a normal environment and were friends with us now rob helpless old grannies in order to get themselves and their friends enough money to buy drugs. We used to hate smokers, but now that everyone we know kinda smokes it isn't all that bad... And so on.

We don't (always) think, 'this is the most reputable of all things, I want to be like that', but we think 'I want to be better/as good as/ only a bit worse than standard'. And if that changes our thinking changes with them.
Of course some things don't change (that easily), like killing someone. Most of us will still flinch from doing so even if suddenly a civil war wear to break out where we live. But for some, this process is happening (faster). And that is because 'everyone is doing it, so it is normal/only a bit worse if I do it, too.'
This is also how some explain why so many Germans suddenly became cruel murderers during WWII and even killed children without hesitating.
In the beginning we think it's very cruel and absolutely wrong, but then we don't think about it that often anymore, because we already have thought of everything that could be thought of this subject. And then after a while, it's the most normal thing ever. Another way is that we think about it all the time and it becomes completely normal for us because it had been in our head all the time.
Very much the same as why we don't find looking out of the window during train journeys as interesting as when we were kids anymore. All things are relative.

Well, I just wanted to share this with you, because I think many people are too sure of everything, but the reality is 'All that is certain is that nothing is certain. Not even this.'.




Chu, Ailing x x x

서울이 싫어졌어 - 이천원

I am watching football now that I have finished (a certain amount of) studying.
I know I said I'd study more and well, this was more (even if not much). Yesterday didn't work so well, because I went to a fair with my roommate. I haven't been for a long while and it was very entertaining. The smell of cotton candy, and all the colourful, shining signs and the typical voices advertising different attractions. I had a crêpe after a really long time.
It might be the 2nd I ever had, because I don't like sweet things at all. Especially warm ones.

Well today was study day, although lately I get up really late and thus miss half of the days anyway. That is because I fall asleep very late and hate to wake up, too. Not very cool qualities.
I'm starting to think that I have ADHD. Only one of the 99.999 things that I recently start to doubt about myself~
I find myself thinking of every and anything else to do while studying. It might be singing or checking out this site or a product or eating or going to the toilet, whatever. It's really hard to study like that. But I must learn to gain control.

I absolutely must learn to be more time-efficient. It is one of my top (out of 2) worries!


The picture was taken on Mother's Day a while ago. It was one of those days when rain and sunshine took turns with one another incessantly.
Although it looks like it was a very gloomy day I think the sun probably started to shine brightly only moments after. But it's the gloominess that I love about this picture; the rain onto that beautiful landscape and then on the left site rails, industry, anti-nature,... I also love the old dark-framed window and the flowers in the foreground which I got for my mother that morning.


I'm going to study a bit more and continue with the football match!
Chu, Ailing

等等 - Olivia Ong

I remember there was a time when I forced myself to write into my diary everday. It must have been long ago.
I started to write diaries when I was about 7 years old. You might wonder what 7 year old kids have to say... I also used my diary as a scrapbook and loved to decorate it with stickers and pictures that I had out of magazines etc. I also had free disposal of around 50 gel pens.
All in all I kept my diary/ diaries quite regularly and also used to write in different languages.

At some point of time during middle school I started to write less and less into my diary, just because I couldn't be bothered.


What I am thinking about is, many people want to have blogs similar to diaries, just that they are public. And also though many mean it, it is not so easy to completely be open about oneself towards a possible audience of millions.
I thought so, too. I'm not really shy when it comes to controversial topics or criticising people, but therefor I have other subjects which are hard for me to talk about.
But the main point why blogs can not that easily be diaries is, leading back to the starting sentence, not all things are worth reading for all people.


The reason why I wanted to write into my diary on a daily basis was not just to record my exciting daily life. And whilst diaries surely have this function of perpetuating one's everyday life and happenings, I think using it as a mean to excogitate, to philosophize does this little book, these personal compositions much more justice.

But when one runs a blog, topics are in some way or the other filtered into things which will interest others and things which won't.
Some things are then deemed to be not interesting enough to be written down and that does defy the existence of a diary (of a not soo~)




So hell yeah, I'm writing more often and fuck yeah, the contents are getting more boring!
Summer is here (I actually hate weather talk). And my memory might be very very bad or it has never been this hot before! At least not in June. Unbearable hot!
But I'm not really in the mood for summery things, that's why the downgraded summer fun picture.

On my way to school is an area with many apartment buildings surrounded by countless pretty amazing pine trees. The whole scenery has an absolute fabulous retro feeling to it, which I love. And I've come to love pine trees. They all look like (somewhat extra-ordinary) real life bonsais ww. I wish I had a smaller camera with decent quality, so I could quickly snap pictures while on the go.

Which leads me to the fact that I am broke. I have never been broke. Never. I spent money like hell-knows but I have never been broke (well, I have run out of cash in New York once, but never out of credit). But now I am and it's funny. Cuz it's good. I finally can't buy shit anymore and that means, hello, most welcomed shopping diet (THIS really is a fucking ugly non-word).
Still I'd like to have a smaller Nikon (for a change) or maybe even a Samsung camera... whatever!


Now to the incident of the day:

I was walking a few paces behind this old men when he suddenly stopped and turned around to look at me.
I wwent straight on and when I was on the same level with the men he breathed at me! I don't know how to say it, but he was like 'HhhhhHHHHoOOoo' into my direction (not in my face, cuz I didn't look at him, luckily!)
Luckily I also have this habbit of not really breathing or instantly holding my breath near some kind of people, so I don't think I inhaled his most toxic, disgusting old men bacteria, BUT WTF
Just what?

1. He hates me personally because I'm young/ Asian/ walking so fast/ yadda yadda and has these disgusting illness that he wants to infect me with
2. He's a zombie/ mutated lab creature that just brainlessly wants to spread his futuristic gentically manipulating illness around the world!
3. He's a disguised fairy who wanted to bestow on me some lucky ether which will make everything I touch turn into millions for me!!!

What do you reckon? Anyway, there isn't really any plausible explanation for this behaviour, so I guess he's just sick.



Another essential topic my world now revolves around is to finally sort out if I am (can be) a good student or not... It has been a long time since I have been one (?) and recently I haven't been at all. I just want to know it.
That's why I want to study like mad for now, see if it's possible~



Chu, Ailing x x

大悲咒 - 黃慧音

Kiki

Yet again. Is anyone sick of this? I sure am.
There are so many things I want to write about, but mostly I can't find more than 2 or 3 sentences before I run out of words to say (i.e. expressive power in general). In case you haven't guessed already: This makes it very hard to blog.
That is why I shall resign myself to jot down these few lines to enter history (world history).

I wonder if I have gotten any dumber or just am not as smart as I thought I am to begin with; I could write whole essays about waste seperation in Detroit or the reason why Pauline feels insecure about meeting her mother if that was asked in any test (and get 10 out of 10 /cough) but when it comes to anything related to this space nothing is good enough. I hate whatever writing style exists or inexists here.
Furthermore I just can't make any point, even (or maybe exactly because) if I wanted to talk about personal junk. I might have diminished for real though. I don't know what this is, but it's really disheartening.

Moreover I somehow can't even find topics. I try to view this as a personal diary. A something I (physically) had since age 8. I know what it's like to dear diary, and this isn't it. Not the right subjects, not the amount of openness, not the degree of honesty,
What could be the reason? For one I guess it's because I have too many inspirations. Writing styles that I'd like to try out for myself. It makes everything not so me (I wouldn't say fake though) and thus harder to express myself. Also, there are some aesthetic layout matters that limit my writing. Then my heart might not really be in it. No time, no passion, yes laziness.

For fuck's sake I'm not even sure if I want it. (I don't even know what I want in general) Do you see this? This is the non-art of making no point.
Ermm... yeah


I should definitely decide what I want this place to be.
I want this to be a fashion thing.
I want this to grow some dough.
I want this to be a lifestyle thing.
I want this to be me.



I reckon my most important concern is the last bit. I value individuality the most. But I have lost myself out there between amazing blogs, high standards and yeah just losing it in general.
And I shall not tolerate this no more.

Were I so self-assured I would commence following era with the infamous From now on... but everything is ever so fleeting for me at the moment. What stays is this nothing. And nothing can be really hard to endure.
So hence there are other big words of same vacuous bore I'm making do with I'm not a man of big words.

Dear Diary

How long has it been since I lastly had the leisure to write into you let alone looking myself in the eye?

Admitting weakness is something I have yet to learn and the struggle is real. Oh and procrastination. I don't know at what I'm lacking more. Not that it really mattered, both are drowning me equally.
I have been thinking a lot and coming to no conclusion recently.

What I fear most, more than failure or anything, is never making a choice. Never.

Doubt has killed more dreams
than failure ever will

Let's add procrastination in my case. Blogging, thinking, philosophizing what good comes from it. Write it. Shoot it. Publish it. Crochet it. Sauté it. WHATEVER. Do it.
Sometimes I wish I'd rather be a lifeless piece of meat than undergoing all this.

I just can't, can I?
I know what to do actually. I'm adding fear and/or cravenness.

Oh almighty whoever out there (or 6D being I'm not picky) can't you just snap with your fingers and get me a life-changing kick in the butt (one of the sort that transforms me into a better human without a preceding experience)? Am I asking for too much? (Make it a lottery win then)
Oh, I end it here!

Chu, Ailing

Urgh I'm going crazy.
It's bed time then it's really not and I could stay awake for 3 more hours and still be able to go to school.
Then I want to check out dresses, but then really not, because I wouldn't buy one, because I have one.
Then I want to do the maths homework since forever, but I don't because I don't get it and wikipedia is a bitch.


So what do I fucking do now? /rage



This about sums up my distress at this very moment. FU
I go drink sth now and then see~


I think I will go right to the gym tomorrow after school, even if it will destroy my legs... I got certain reason to go ww
Then Friday can not go. But Saturday maybe~

Ok I really hope that it won't destroy my legs too much. So I can do my regular programme on Saturday. If not then I skip too often and have to start anew~

Wind - 明星

sry for the lack of posts the past few days... I didn't feel like blogging because I had binge days on end~
It started with last Sunday I think. I don't even dare to do my food diaries ww
But what I had on that day includes: yakisoba, curry, sake, ice cream, sandwich, MC baguette, sprite. Think that's it.

Well that alone wouldn't be so bad because I had major diarrhea the day after and EVERYTHING came out at 6am.
I then had late breakfast, went to the gym (!) and after that my whole breakfast came out again www
(the interesting thing is that I looked down the toilet bowl and it looked like I shit a bunch of flowers and grass plants HAHAHAHA sry for being gross)

That evening I had instant noodle soup, a sandwich and ice cream.

And so the days went by, today is Wednesday and I had a half-foot already~ Long time no sub, I love subway! Always reminds me of New York, where I had subs almost every day!!!

Anyway the Sunday I was talking about was completely crazy!
Namakemono-san and I started the day together. We saw a very impressive butoh dance, ate and bought a lot in between shows and on the afternoon wanted to go MC. Turns out there was no MC in this town... Seriously no MC.
It wasn't a small town. It was a bigger normal town.
So we hoped onto the train (again) went back to our town, bought MC, ate on the train like some swines (w) and came back again for the evening performance. We ended up walking through a friggin storm~
It was one of those fun and chaotic days you enjoy with friends.

What do you guys do when you sit on trains, busses, cars?
I once read an article about people unlearning to wait. The author described how noone can deal with idleness anymore. Everyone needs their smartphone, music or newspaper to keep oneself entertained.
Noone can entertain themselves with their thoughts.

I immediately agreed. Yet I find myself stacking up on Star Trek eps, a Vogue and a book before I hopped on the train earlier.
And let's not forget I also have a smartphone and MUST listen to music ALWAYS when I'm leaving the house.
I even brought stuffs to study.

Just the thought of boring myself through this trip terrified me.
Did I also dread the thoughts that might came up when I'm left with nothing but my own mind to entertain me? I don't know~

Right now I still have +half an hour to kill.
And I don't know what to do ww

But that's not really just the fault of our technical development.
Our whole society condemns waiting, we are all trained to make some from of progress every minute. That's why toddlers start to learn foreign languages and 15 year old school-leavers must never ever spend a month doing anything but studies or internships (or work and travel if you insist).
Not only that, people are constantly told to work for their dreams NOW, lose weight now, start a new hobby now, fulfil your greatest wish now....

I thought so too.
There's a line in a Naruto ending that I really love and it's more or less my life motto

Waiting is wasting for people like me

It implies that cool people don't hang around wasting their precious time like losers when they could rule the world. I can't say this whole philosophy is wrong of course.


But what I also think is that, by waiting and being forced to self-reflect we recognize and gain a lot of things.
And a lot is lost by our idea that waiting is such a waste.

That is why I think we should not hate those filler times so much and use them in a wise way instead. Embrace everything w

Do you guys like the Vogue?
I quite like it, but I find I don't really read the articles. Most of the interviewee don't interest me, even if generally I try to learn more about other persons.
I enjoy reading lifestyle things more~

Even the fashion part is boring to me. Instead of bringing stuffs about trends the Vogue follows more or a personal theme.
I don't condemn that in general, it's more that sometimes the themes are not really meeting my taste. Whereas trends would still be interesting or maybe useful to read as at least they are news.

That's why I think it's a waste of money to buy the Vogue (for me).
I should read all the interviews to give my purchase some meaning, but I really don't care about the interviewees~
If only they had more general articles~

Yes, this is what I wanted to talk about I think~
Shall now try to find an occupation ww

A few days later
Let's just say, I never stopped binging w
Because I think when you play you should play for real and if not then not.
I had an enjoyable time, meet A., did a rainy shooting and ate a lots of sweets. Which A. de bf bought ww

But now I must stop binging or I'll never lose weight. I bought some wonderful trainers today and can't wait to continue gymming!!

I want to buy a cheap bike, too~ There're only 3 bus stops from my place to the gym so I feel a bit stupid to drive there. That's why I'm looking for a cheap fixie to get me there in a sporty way w #nikeshoes

Ok I'm tired again. Bye.

By the way this Naruto ending is pure wisdom. Check this out.

Cultivate your hunger, before you idealise.
Motivate your anger, to make them all realise.
Climbing the mountain, never coming down.
Break into the contents, never falling down.
My knee is still shaking like I was twelve,
Sneakin' out the classroom, by the back door.
A man railed at me twice, though but I didn't care.
Waiting is wasting, for people like me.

Don't try to live so wise,
Don't cry 'Cause your so right.
Don't dry, with fakes or fears,
'Cause you will hate yourself in the end.

You say dreams are dreams.
I ain't gonna play the fool anymore.
You say cause I still got my soul,
Take your time baby.
The road needs slowin' down.
Reach yourself, before you gloom.
Reflections of fear make shadows of nothing.


You still are blind if you see winding road,
'Cause there's always a straight way to the point you see.

Don't try to live so wise,
Don't cry 'Cause your so right.
Don't dry, with fakes or fears,

'Cause you will hate yourself in the end.
'Cause you will hate yourself in the end.
'Cause you will hate yourself in the end.
'Cause you will hate yourself in the end.

Spending all my time - Perfume

A first day back to the gym. It's only a trial session. But I guess it's settled that I get me another membership.
I should have an overall wish to stay fit and treat my body well for the rest of my life beyond just wanting to lose weight right now!
I only hope that the instructor will be totally normal. No weirdo~ /cringes


And because of that, I gonna have proper breakfast today. I don't want to faint or nearly faint at the gym ww
I even bought a protein bar in case I'll feel dizzy~ I actually need sugar, but protein bars are more gym appropriate than s'mores or cotton candy.

Btw you know what? I get satisfaction from watching porn!!!!
FOOD PORN wwww
I don't know how, but seeing amazing food pics on pinterest awakens only minimal cravings but more like oh so yum, I gonna cook that (for my family) once I reach my UGW- thoughts. I could browse through pinterest forever for these and still don't feel anything... I have reached food Nirvana! Buddha would be so proud.
Also because I don't feel no fucking hungry. Whole day no eat? Where' the problem... (I know I have mentioned this before, but it's to amazing to not say it a 2nd and 3rd and nth time)


I went browsing my tumblr yesterday (used to be some thinspo/ weight-loss diary) and find that it's funny to have a food diary and look back at it, so I'm going to resume that here.

About yesterday's food:

You probably won't hv noticed but until now, every line breaks begins with A or I #amazeballs

'BINGE' DAY 2

IN
DanActive 1 bottle 71
Mars bar 1 229
low-carb bread 1 slice 132
cream cheese 13
chicken breast 2 slices 26x2
strawberries with lots of sugar
onion/ham stick 1 405
TOTAL 902+

OUT
/

902+

COMMENT
WTF SO MUCH ww
If I allow myself one spluge per day then wtf are the strawberries (with lots of sugar) and that ham stick doing in the list...
Luckily I still lose the normal amount of weight..

I will add today's IN and OUT this evening after dinner and gym.
I try to spread my meals throughout the day to trick my body into thinking that there's always energy coming in, so it won't go on starving mode and store every atom of food I eat.

1st GYM DAY IN A LONG TIME

IN
raspberry - blueberry parfait 104 + 21.25 + 26.25 + 170
candy 108
low-carb bread 1 slice 132
cream cheese 13
chicken breast 2 slices 26x2
ice cream 149
TOTAL 775+

OUT
training 153
crosstrainer 589
TOTAL 742

33

COMMENT
Seriously ice cream?
Candy?
Now that's what I call ruining one's own work... scumbag brain la!
Well, nevertheless, pleasantly surprised...

Back from the gym after a shower/bath. Just had dinner and after that ice cream (thanks brain, again) still my intake today is really little, so please... let me wake up with my GW1 tomorrow!!
The guy at the gym was super over enthu, sunnyboy smile and all, I hate guys like that... You never know if they are serious... And there are really too many guys around...
But I guess I have to go through~


That's it for today! Tomorrow is eventful day!
Chu, Ailing

Nice To Meet You, Life - Need a Name

tee & shorts - adidas by Stella McCartney	bottle - H&M Go Gold	Halfmoon Magic - Le Specs
bat - New York Mets	Classic Redford - Gola	Duramo 3 - adidas
yoga mat, tights - adidas	tee - adidas Originals
tee - adidas Kids (similar)	tights - adidas Originals	bongo - WeSC X Mademoiselle Yulia

Err yeah... I swear I irl not that fat la!! www (walaoh confirm can see my collar bones onot? w)
But my thighs are damn fat... I still have to think about whether I register at the gym or not~ Waste of money HiAaZz...

The pictures are blur because my camera doesn't focus a white wall... not always... some pictures are sharp... I also don't know how to get that, but hey I managed to take the pictures without a tripod!!! (Secret: my legs got no shave www)
J and I literally went hiking through a forest and alongside country roads on the day we bought these~ Spent 200bucks!!

Today was splurge day with ice cream. Sitting in school all day long is soo frustrating and nerve-wrecking and it was such a warm day; I just had to buy ice cream and eat it!!!
Went a bit overkill and now I feel bad... #uncool

Sooner or later I will make it (the sooner the better tho), at least this Saturday got trial appointment.
Ok I end this post already. It was a super long day and I'm tired and lazy ww


Chu, Ailing

Condition Of My Heart - Fly To The Sky

cooking when J was here

A quickie from my phone.
The other day we suddenly were invited to dinner by Asian acquaintances. Surprising, because my parents don't play with anyone Asian actually.
At first I was very unwilling to go because I didn't bring any nice clothes nor anything cool to put on with me...

And when we arrived turns out they had a dinner party and there were other guests!

I don't like to mingle with other Asians (prejudices!). Well other unpleasant surprise: They had a chihuahua. I don't hv any prejudices against chihuahua, bt against Asians who own pets www It had a very weird name, sounded like 신라! Not Shilla or Sheila ww

Anyways one of the girls told my bro my mother and I looked like Japanese or Korean, so I got that going for me, which is nice.
But actually my bro also looks kind of Korean~
And she asked him if I was very spoiled because I asked my mother about lots of unknown food ww I'm a difficult eater~

But the girl also wasn't Miss Perfect, kept correcting people like grammar nazi~

So much abt the past events.

In lieu of recent events; HOW MUCH DO YOU GUYS DISLIKE TACTLESS FOLKS?

I know if anything it's (merely) an uber annoying thing but is it really hate-worthy?
Like it's actually only a small matter which happens due to some people's lack of thoughtfulness (or brains), so it is hard to blame them~

I once came up with a theory that people's misconduct can be divided into 2 categories:

• those that are done on purpose: arrogance, deception, avarice, deviousness, etc
• those that can't help it: choleric types, those who are always late, always run out of money, embarrass everyone with their weird behaviour, etc

I believed that one couldn't really be angry with the 2nd type of persons because they don't intend to harm anyone and often don't know how to help themselves...

But now I'm not sure... I think lacking sensitivity is especially complicated, because tact you can't even learn~ You either feel it or not.

Nevertheless I strongly dislike those kind of people because #&j)";$-@¢ they simple are such barbarians!!! Arghh~
They can't or don't think!!
I swear I will never marry even the most handsome or richest guy if he has no tact! At least I will try to teach him!! I cannot accept to be related with someone who is too dumb to use his brain a bit!!
Can you please put yourself in other's shoes? If you say that/ do that how will other people feel? or
Can you not think about other persons?
Honestly is it so hard?

E.g. It's dinner time. You just prepared the meals and are about to eat. The door bell rings and someone wanted to drop by for some random business. One invites them in and they stay at your place for a long time (long enough for the remaining persons to wait and for the food to get cold).*

In this story though it all being no biggie, 3 tactless things happen:

• deciding to drop by other's place in the evening hours/ during dinner time
• staying for a long time although you know the others were going to have dinner
• letting the guest stay for such a long time although you know the 3rd party is waiting for you to eat together and that the food is going to become cold

*Should this scenario resemble an actual occurrence then that's only due to my lack of imagination ty

As for me, honestly I would never forget or unthink such basic thoughts over the thrill of a visitor - come what may come, like it doesn't seem to be such a hard thing to do, right? If you had tact to begin with~
At least you say, 'Sorry this is taking a while, please go on eating. I'll be there in a minute'
If not then... If not then still no worries if such things happen very rarely. If happen often... May God be merciful unto thee~

I am normally a most tolerant person - like really, but I guess as for some things (which might not even be that evil) I just can't stand~
Stupidity, tactlessness, cowardice....

I try to take pics of my adidas haul and share with you later. Now that I got my cam back I want to share more visual stuff...

Btw I am travelling at night time once again, and it must be annoying to read incomprehensible stuff abt it, but one more time:
NOTHING more comforting than sitting in a warm and cosy spot travelling through the darkness with good music, and by that I mean Fly To The Sky - Condition Of My Heart!!! (´▽｀)

Also whenever I am w my family I cannot go on with my one meal diet~ And in order for me to finally make it I might really go to the gym again~
Only that it's such a waste of money and I don't intend to stay fit for a longer time www Just want to burn some extra calories until I reach my ugw (ultimate goal weight w)
OR I do Pilates (I have found a place) which is 12x more expensive, but the membership is not so long.... ah idk~

I kind of want to do a Jonghoon/ FT Island post next? Who's interested? ＼(^o^)／

Ok I end this post here. Don't feel like going on.

Chu, Ailing

たく！ the bus arrive too late and nobody has a clue abt what's going on... they actually hv my phone number to contact me when sth goes wrong, bt I nvr receive a message la...

anw today A. and I wanted to fool around a bit and tricked our friends into believing that we're back in sgp already.
bt then everything went wrong and they invite us to bday preparation meeting (sth like that?)
and everything turned out really awkward and we felt super bad www bt anyways so nice for them to still care so much ww
it will be a blast when we are finally finally back!!


so abt ytd I ate NTH and my hunger lvl this morning NTH
sth wrong w my body lar... bt still feel kinda weak so I snacked some candy ww

and just now I wanted to meet with hyung at Starbucks and I arrive on hour too early wtf!!
I dunno how ytd I type 3시 instead of 2 and nvr realize.. cheehh...

so I ordered tea first when waiting in order to get a hot chocolate later on, bt in the end only tea (with sugar)....
so today de intake still ok www

Later on J and I went to watch Spider Man SPOILER ALERT and the movie is actually good and all, but it's goddamn long-wided... like they could have make the movie half as long with as much tension, love and interesting story line. But now... everything took ten times longer because they had to add 100s of trivial events, etc...
But I really liked the Harry guy (taipuu ding ding ding!!!), so for me it was clear from the first second he appeared that he would turn evil... Oh the curse of rich, arrogant ikemen~ And his hair was just awesome, too www
Absolute fitting for a cocky, rich brat www... Alas~

OMFG I just googled it and the previous Harry Osborn was so disgusting WTF they picked curly, blonde beau /vomits
Walao too disgusting cannot talk about this anymore....
OMFG #2 people actually made pictures to compare the current Harry actor with Lenoardo di Caprio www I had exactly the same thought, they both have (had in the case of Leo) this fragile, sinister ikemen vibe~

anyway I'm happy the bitch died...


Today we want to go have dinner at a Japanese tapas bar, it's like fusion kitchen of tapas and sushi! Yum, I gonna feast like mad. Fuck this diet WW... (but seriously, like this cannot reach dw EVER)
I wanted to try this place out for a long time, but never got around to go... Now I finally have the chance to www
I will bring my camera (YES I got it back) and snap pics to share later on.

Tomorrow we want to go to adidas sample sale~ Please let there be lots of cheap and pretty stuff so I can gear up on sports clothes to finally get my ass moving (will not happen, but still~ w)


Ok, I get ready for dins now...bb
Chu, Ailing

Baby It's You - June

Things I want at the moment

• a decent gym (and nice training clothes www)
• a Vesta or Harley Davidson
• my dream weight

I just want a gym that offers Pilates or yoga or a combination, but no, got nothing like that near my house... /saddened
Ah the struggle www


And the Vesta/ Harley Davidson thing is very random. I always liked bikes and if I could ever drive those it would prove to myself that I'm not a wimp ww But I am. Car driving I hate already... And when I see people learning how to drive a motorbike I get the creeps just by watching ww
I like Vesta because they look really vintage and have this freedom feel to them... My cousin has a pink one (with Hello Kitty seat cover w). And Harley Davidson because that would be the ultimate bad-ass symbol.


Yes, yes I know my posts are super random and pointless, but I just have the urge to write everything down!
About my dream weight.. Would that scale be here I could at least know how far I am from it, but alas it comes but tomorrow...

it's tomorrow by now

In case anyone's interested: instead of studying I watched like 13 eps of 黒子のバスケ ytd .･ヾ(。￣□￣)ﾂ
I like Aomine, Tatsuya, Kagami and Kise! And I hate the stupid pervert glasses guy of Aomine, the two murder idiots, Alex and Kuroko!
Talking about Tatsuya's seiyuu ytd somehow led me to promising to watching Free!. HiAZz I gave it too easily. What I saw from Free! til now was not very promising. So I figured Haruka (please let that be his name~) is the protagonist and his character ist just... duh!? And then the Makoto (I even knew who this was by myself) guy is double pointless, the little boy absolute annoying and Rin (that one I also myself know, cuz he closest to my type) has the same mouth as inspector Yamamura WTF !!! what's going on with ikemen these days?!
In 黒子のバスケ, too the only obviously 100% ikemen is Tatsuya and he is like supporting side character only! Even Kise the beau is not ikemen... And Aomine and Taiga are only ikemen because of their personality (and ok-looks...)

Still have 4 eps to go... After that Free! (or not ww)



Today weather is super bright and warm and sunny and it makes me feel very Japanese! (Yes you read that right)
I've got the song 旅立つキミへ stuck in my head all day, cherry blossoms and all! BUT I HATE CHERRY BLOSSOMS!
Yes, I decided it's official, I hate pink flowers on trees.... I don't know how it's beautiful, it just seems to be spam to me...
Right now I can't even remember if I ever found them really breathtakingly picturesque at any point of time, but now I just think, ok it must be very refreshing and invigorating to see the streets decked in colours after a long grey winter and that's it.
The cherry blossoms itself, I hate...
Nevertheless I like the song very much!!


So after coming home from lab afternoon, I felt v tired and my room was incredibly hot because of the sun!
I went to fetch my scale somemore and it's..... hidoi.... but I'm not going to return it, because I also can't help it if the world consists of only ugly scale desginers wtf!
Anyway I still haven't reached my 1st gw (goal-weight in anorexic/ thinspo lingo), still need 0.8kg/ 1.76lb. Yet I'm still surprised.... Haven't been this skinny in a long long time..
My BMI now 19.... I need to lose a few more pounds... Ok more than a few...

That is also because ytd I (

how do you call this

) binged www Ok I had two maoam packs and like 2 fat slices of breads. Even so, the day before I only had one pack of maoams (I'm so ridiculous I know www).

It is better if I stay outside a lot (aka school) because at home I often eat out of boredom (in school when bored at least cannot eat) and outside I'm just not hungry because I constantly have sth to do.


Nah, anyway, I'm tired now, because I old lar.... I end this post here now.
(if now I seriously nap then need bitch slap pls.. thanks ar)

EDIT Didn't sleep, but went to take a bath!
Recently I, too, like to live very dangerously and use phone while I lie in the bathtub www Til now nothing happen (of course) but maybe some day will? ww

After that I feel a bit refreshed and now I study a bit.
Yesterday I was v angry w my parents. I notice that recently I get very upset when people suddenly change plans.
This is because I try to plan things that will make everyone have an enjoyable time according to people's plans, but when they suddenly change them, all my thoughtful thinking was in vain and it appears as everyone shit on my niceness /sobs /condemns the heavens

But now everything is OK and yeah just wanted to add this. kthxbye

Chu, Ailing

it's 9pm and I'm very tired already.

I like travelling at night time, because it's so dark outside and you only see lights and can make out some dark shapes that could be a hill or the horizon. Everything seems kind of mysterious and the things that are bright seem double important.

That's why I also don't mind/ like to drive at night although I normally hate driving.
But at night it feels like you travel through space and time w Or in outer space.
It seems kind of unreal... that or I'm just weird.
It has this kind of 'cruising through the darkness'-feel... !!

To keep you updated about my diet:
The last 2 days I ate enough for like 10 days or so. Not sure if I gained it all back, bt surely a bit at least.
I also snacked like nobody ever cared.

I think I actually want to go to the gym~
Even if I can do only cardio... Better than nothing.
I know if I'm so reluctant to go to the gym why don't I just save the money and stay at home and do some sports there. But at home I can't be motivated to move at all. I need equipment and the right atmosphere.
Sounds dumb but so is humankind...

And I again forgot my cam... So annoying~ I can't share any pictures, just these spamy test posts (I'm aware that they don't look very welcoming w)

But I gonna have my bro bring it to me in a few days... Hopefully he won't forget it...

Ok I really want to nap now, ttyl

Darn it! Feels so good to nap. I just wanna arrive home watch Star Trek and falls asleep again www
Or to travel in here forever. It's dark, warm, fascinating and softly rocking to and fro.. oh yes, driving home in a bus at night is the best thing ever. Except for being a millionaire, that's maybe a bit better. But only a bit...

Bt I'm home soon.
I look forward to a bit of school tml and even more sleep during the day www
Omg I'm such a boring stay-at-home. Why do I even own a blog?!

I hate lab work so so much. At least this time round I have a nice partner who work with, and I trust her to be a bit more skilled and knowledgable about lab work than me www. Because I SUCK.


Anyway I bought this Victoria's Secret bikini top in black.

Victoria's Secret Beach Sexy Cropped Top

The image looks ridiculous. It's really hard to find a bardot style bikini top like this.
I've searched everywhere, but could only find VS, Urban Outfitters , Beach Riot and Lolli Swim (both last season) selling this cut.
Plus the top is really really very tight. I nearly couldn't squeeze myself in ww.

I now need a nice bikini bottom(s) and then I'm all set. To go. To Singapore. And never come back. 짱!

And finally going to order a scale now. Looking forward to it. Whoever said money couldn't buy happiness, doesn't know happiness. Money only buys happiness.


Ok, see you again tomorrow.
Chu, Ailing

FOR FUCK'S SAKE MY WHOLE ENTRY I TYPE ON MY NOTE JUST NOW DISAPPEAR WHILE I SWITCH APP!!
FUCK YOU BLOGGER APP
now have to rewrite wtf ffs fml

in-transit blogging!

some people are so incredibly abnormal I can't even.

a few rows behind me are 2 women and one just take out a book to read:

1: oh so you're reading? *reads out title dramatically*
2: yeah *patronizing*
1: *reads 'mysterious love story's from description on book cover dramatically*
must be very exciting right?
oh you're only at the beginning?
is it hard to read yeah?

FFS can anyone think of any dumber, annoying and unnecessary stuff to say? I award her with the Golden Butt Kick for that.
I hate those people that say those kind of stupid, unconnected things.
'is it hard to read?' WTF ppl never start a book from the first pages isit? always just read the climax and the end right?
HOW can a sane person say such a sentence?  

2ndly the other woman obviously doesn't take out a book because she wants the other one to drop one comment dumber than the other about it. People with books commonly want to read it without being disturbed by some busybodies' annoying and absolute useless chitchat...
HOW do you not realize that? I just can't...

Yesterday night I was very restless so I googled stuff like 'eating only one bread a day'

Ardent anorexic fighters prognosis are devastating: apparently I will die soon due to nutrient deficiency!
My kidney functions will break down, etc and I will get cancer. Ok cancer is not...
But my body will also start to metabolize all the muscles away, it will 'start to devour itself'. I will become 'skinny but soft'. !!!
But my stomach will also shrink, which doesn't sound so bad because mine is a bottomless pit; I eat my friends meals for them if they can't finish as a matter of fact (///▽///)

Nevertheless I don't think human bodies are so weak and die so easily when you only eat bread for some time...

I also don't intend to do this for too long, maybe like 2 weeks until I reach my dream weight.
I know they said I'd gain it all back in no time because idk because I will eat normally again?

I just have to be more cautious about what I eat then...

Still I don't want any nutrient deficiency so I reckon I gonna vary my meals a bit (not that I have absolute the same thing and really 'bread only' the last days).
Today I started the day with two glasses of soy milk, with one glass being slightly over 100 kcal! Why everything so friggin much?! I think everything that is over 100 per portion is just soo much (* - -)

Also I wonder how to continue my diet during this weekend... meh most likely I will gain all that I lost back... I swear I can gain 3-4 kg on one day...

And I don't want my muscles (whatever muscles I have) to vanish either.
I know how important muscles are for weight-loss. So I think I should do some sports? I don't really like lifting and cardio stuff, but I'd like to do yogates, or pilates... or yoga if got no choice. I really like pilates but only w machines which I guess cannot find anywhere... Yogates also cannot I think.... And just yoga isn't really helpful for weight-loss...

The gym near my place only has the typical like muscle training, cardio and err idk. Not anything that I'd wanted to do ... so how? ah #firstworldproblems

Chu, Ailing

Walao ytd I totally praise 2048 today I crack it already (during lessons w). It is actually not very hard, who wants to know how, I share with you guys ww.
Now I am again left with nothing... But nvm I still enjoy replaying it w.


Apropos games, another game that I got introduced to is a simple quiz game and you can challenge strangers, because it's multi-player. Funny enough you can also chat to the strangers, which I don't think people really do.
Today suddenly I received a message from a guy and ughh, why are guys so absolutely fucking lecherous, it's not only disgusting but inhuman!! Can't they maintain a certain class?!
I actually like to chat with strangers, because it's fun to play with them and troll around. It's my speciality to toy around with unknown internet men www Oh the good ol' IRC days... But this guy was just too dumb to converse on my lvl so I had to quick or I puke.
So here's how the convo went:

Hi
Hi
Are you female?

WTF STRAIGHT TO THE TOPIC! HOW INELEGANT, TACKY, UNIMAGINATIVE AND CRUDE
however I semi-played along because til now it could be sort purposely pretend la

yes?

added question mark to tease him a little

How old?

ok now I'm absolutely sure that he's a dumb faggot

too old for you

admittedly not very witty, it's my standard reply, because I can't think of any more witty ones, only equally dumb ones like 69,6,66,666,100,etc

haha do you think so? how old are you
39

WTF

where are you from?

...
from there on I was really tired of his lame and dumb way to chat I ignored him a bit and received more shit like

are you still there?
hello?
gone?
are you interested in 39 yr old men?
hmm
still there?
nothing?
well then bye

And the moral of this story: The internet is full of horny, moronic old men. Oh what news....


I was showing this to the girl who sits next to me and she was like You and your pedos www That is because ytd I also receive a message reading Who are you?
I hate those messages, like whole world wide web got a zillion of people cannot go and ask everyone who they are when you know it could be anyone from Swaziland or Seychelles or dunno your neighbour whom you don't even know, so stop asking online people that dumb question!!!!



Today me and Namakemono-san (yes,the girl who sit next to me) spontaneously decided to skip maths, because one of the students has to present the homework and we both don't really feel like doing it www
Also this homework very easy one so nvm if we skip ww

Then I realize I wanted to meet GS-hyeong at Starbucks after class so now I have like a bit time to kill and decided to blog.
I just checked the nutritional facts of Starbucks' products; everything is just soo nutritious how can Western ppl not be fat?! Drink 2 or 3 hot chocolates with cream is already enough for one day...

A. said if I don't pay attention I will become anorexic.
My honest thoughts are, technically seen I am anorexic by now www

Ok what constitutes anorexia?
I don't really know but a few things I can think of just with common sense.
I think it's not only looking like a pile of bones, but also wanting to look like a pile of bones. That I definitely despise.
But maybe there are anorexics who don't want to be so thin, but just can't turn off their control mania when (not) eating. Some anorexics actually don't primarily want to lose weight, but just have a control mania... That I also don't have.
Eating very little? Yes, that I do right now - but I am nowhere near starving or feeling uncomfortable. Which actually can't be normal... Ok normally I don't move very much throughout the day, but now with school I actually do walk around a bit. On the other hand I guess humans from industrial nations have enough body fats to survive like 5 days without food www

Concluding I'd say maybe my acting a bit anorexic, but my thinking actually is not. Just wannabe skinnier (who doesn't seriously...)



Oh and about counting calories: I don't know why cool people all act like it's such a pretentious, unnecessary things to do and that they are to cool to do that?
'oh yeah, I have never counted calories. I just can't check what's in this or this product all the time... you know? It's just not my style' FUU act-superior people.

I don't really think frantic calories counting is adequate, but come on, it's a pretty basic principle. Less in than out. And how would you know if you really have a smaller intake than outtake (ww) if not checking it?
I also don't count every single calorie but I do check the approximate amount of nutritions in the products I eat (at times) to have a vague idea of what I'm doing.



You know what I'm thinking of? Making a list where I count how many times:

• the door opens and close
• people come
• people leave
• how loud they are.

I'm talking about them john's visiting the prossies next door, because they are extremely loud - I mean when entering or leaving or knocking or ringing, like they seem to intentionally slam the door as hard as they can, some ring like mad (in the manner of pressing the door bell in really short intervals until the door is opened). Even the prossies themselves have no shame and also yank the door open with full power, so that everyone knows that yet another one arrive.
I'm really curious about what's actually going on over there... but I will likely never know....


Ok, now I prepare to leave...

I think the mugs from Starbucks are kind of pretty and cute...

Studying surely sucks. I just spent like 3h doing homework, because I was watching 黒子のバスケ at the same time. It's sure is ikemen spam. My favs are Aomine, Kagami, Kise and Kagami's American friend w. I hate the gay glasses guy of Aomine, the purple guy with ridiculous name and the red-haired meanie, although I haven't seen him in action yet. I call him the Zorin Blitz ww.


I finally decided to invest in a scale... It is necessary to track progress (or regress w). My principle is to spend money on household stuff while still being supported by parents www. By this you need to spend less own money when being independent some time in the future www.
But I won't buy a too high-tech scale, because science will create much cooler scales in the future, so it's not worth it (I know, the fuck am I thinking? ww)



Chu, Ailing

얼음들 - 악동뮤지션

Yet another day. Hearing what kind of work expects me for chemistry makes me really doubt and hesitate.
I think I'm simply not made for doing work with my hands, even if it's not hard construction kind of work, but filigree lab work or doing surgeries or stitching... I can't be bothered to utilize my hands like this, it's not my style...


These days I'm spending classes draining the battery of my phone... We all got addicted to playing 2048!! Thanks to Kim who introduced the game to one after the other ww.
I like those simple games that require a bit of thinking, so my favourite games are Triple Town, Unblock Me and maybe 2048 from now on! But my highscore very low la, like 8000-. Anyway I play til my phone die and everyone else also kill their phones. Lectures are just too boring...

Other games I like are those wannabe detective ones which are a tad scary and also those where you have to find stuffs w, challenging but not unnerving.

On another note, I get a parcel from the U.S. and international tracking (at least with USPS) has improved or how?
Normally you can only track within the origin country and after depart to destination country it will just disappear from the radar. But this parcel they even tell me how it passed customs and is now transported to delivery place!! Oh future thou art but wonderful...



Lastly a note regarding friend-zones from the other day.
I don't remember if I ever blogged about this so sorry if I'm repeating myself.

I think for a girl to be friend-zoned it is not that bad, because girls can really not coincidentally be around to help you carry grocery shopping or help set up furniture or give you a ride to work or such nonsense.
But girls can do all kind of favours for a guy without it appearing unnatural. That is, because traditionally women serve man more than the other way round (let's not get into gender roles an gender equality here). So women are not humiliating themselves, while I guess men do. And that is why friend-zoned dudes are so popular, because it is very unusual or ridiculous and that's what entertaining.
And that's also why there are no real memes or anything about friend-zoned girls!!!

And that is why I think


There should be a dude-zone for girls. I think I'd be a kind of girl that gets dude-zoned easily!
So what is a dude-zone?
It is a sphere where a guy sees all his pals and best friends with whom he hangs out to play God of War, COD, Need for Speed, Battlefield or Worms (lok ok who play worms?).
You're in the zone, you get to join into all the dude activities like a guy gets to join into girl activities if they're friend-zoned.
Watching porn or The Expendables, whatever lah I'm no specialist about things that guys doo (according to 9gag wanking off all the time); you are seen as a leggit dude - boobs balls and all.


I think I'm easy to dude-zone because I enjoy many dude-activities and hate many things girls like. I don't really play video games or any games though, but that's because I simple don't like to utilize my hands (see paragraph 1). At least I enjoy watching other people play Haha.


Okay I just finish my homework although I didn't finish it (no sense, I know). Saddened because I like the subject actually, but most go sleep liao.


Chu, Ailing