Yesterday I was watching a 60's (?) movie. Do you also find that people then were prettier (and more handsome)?
I think so.
I also like the fact that even kids were running around in blazers, shirts and stuff and that they were all dressed so colourful.
I wish people would still dress like that.

I am going to dress like that.



Btw I happen to check out plastic surgery for nose the other day, because - as some of you might know - getting a nose job is on my bucket list!!!
The problem I have with my nose is not that it's too small or anything! It is too friggin' big lah!

Okay, they call it bulbous nose in Korean-English and it will make you look very countryside girl like la (still better than other imperfections lah, them Koreans lah, got ugly forehead they call you Orang-Utan).
The good thing about bulbous nose surgery is, don't need implants (if I got that right). They will remove the fats from the alars to make them slimmer or also cut out fats or cartilage from your nose tip.

Which is very good!
I actually don't mind implants or plastic.. on others. No I wouldn't mind on me either, but I can't really imagine to get, say a higher nose bridge through an implant, the thought of having such a thing inside my body somehow doesn't sound good in my ears. But who knows, if I had a very flat nose, maybe I would have decided for a rhinoplasty surgery.

I absolutely need me a stylish system camera.
I hate to be travelling (from my house to school /cough) and not being able to take pictures of everything. Everything is beautiful! /threatens you with pink rose petals and air kisses
I can't drag my DSLR with me everywhere, plus it would look stupid.

Right now I'm driving through foggy forests and I just love the plain, austere rawness of the landscape and how the fog makes it appear so sinister. Apart from that, forests are cool, at least since hipster. No make that romanticism - basically the same by the way.

Anyway I'm as broke as a person without money can be. I have spent my last money on Christmas presents (cf this post) - oh and Black Friday - and now I'm free.
I got my younger brother a calendar with pictures from the Hubble telescope, which are pretty amazing and will add a NASA tee (ok you got me, not as broke as broke as in broke but on my way). He's the universe-nerd, so I think the present is quite good.
For my parents I got one hell of a Japanese rice cooker, the Zojirushi Micom Rice Cooker & Warmer NS-TSC18 . My mother wanted one forever, which I only remembered recently, when I went shopping for Japanese tea mugs and the rice cookers had me at 'hullo'.
My father will additionally get a book on his birthday shortly after the new year.
Then I need one for my older brother as well, I'm thinking a scarf, but need to consult with my mother.
Apart from that it's my cousin's birthday next week. What to get? I'd get him tickets for Sam Smith if I'd know his schedule.
Then got my friends but since they might read this I cannot share. Except for one who wanted a water bottle, and boy! she's lucky I dug water bottles some time ago, so I can ensure a tasteful choice (everything is beautiful - not).

So anyway I don't have any money to buy a new camera. I can only hope my mother will get one. Then I will be a very good girl and beg to lend it from her ㅠ

Topic change: I don't really know how to wrap my presents this year. Last year I had white paper with parcel twine and fir branches. And tiny chocolate santas stuck to them.
This year I have already wrapped the huge calendar (mind you, it was only the 4th) in the brown stuffing paper Amazon uses to fill their card boxes. Admittedly, the paper is absolutely rumbled, but everything is - wait for it - beautiful. And may I add, hipster.
I also brilliantly upcycled my file cards to fancy 'deck the halls'- name tags/ greeting cards.
Heck I only need a concept name for this and it's official.
No but I don't want to do the white thing again, am not ready for the black chalkboard style and don't know how to properly do the parcel style. I might add black name tags to my parcels though. Plus I have some gold, glitter paper left. Can I mash all that up to a something?

Anyway, I'm still very sad I don't have a small pro-ish camera (and a scarf and gloves), so now I will feel very sad and miserable reading the kinfolk (full of pretty images).
Blame the kinfolk for everything. Everything is beautiful.

Chu, Ailing

I had booked a hotel room somewhere in a warm country. Surprisingly enough it was just me going.
But when I reached, the hotel was overcrowded with no rooms left. Hundreds of people were asked to wait outside until a room is free.
Thus the crowd, mostly backpacker folks, was just sitting on the floor on a big place in front of the hotel.
I joined the people lounging on some longer platform sort of construction on the left of the place. Leaning with my back against my suitcase I was prepared to wait.
Two guys sat right and left to me and we started to talk. After a while I was more engrossed in talking with the guy to my left.
Also suddenly my friend A. appeared, she had also booked a room at the same hotel.
After waiting for hours we were told a room was free and the cool thing was A and I were going to share a room.
I somehow left my luggage outside, cuz 'I could get it later' or so I think I was told, but I felt slightly uncomfortable with that.

It was a 2 bedroom suit but to my horror we had to share beds with either of the guys I just met (somehow we couldn't split differently). Somewhere at this point SC a friend of A and me popped into the dream. Somehow he was in A's company.

Anyway I started to sense that something about this whole hotel story couldn't be quite kosher. The people in our room (somehow there were several) suddenly seemed very suspicious to me. And as we sat at a round table in the living room, which with the whole room looked very weird all together - everything appeared like it was painted with a scribbling style and the colours were all in a dirty yellow, orange brown hue* - I started to realise that this was all a scheme of the stupid hotel to cheat guests of their money.
I wanted to blow their cover and expose their cheap trick so I threw the cowboy hat off the guy I was supposed to share a bed with and who was sitting at the table to my left - and was shocked to see that I could directly look at that guy's brain! He had no skullcap or better it was more like someone had sawed it off, but it was not a normal brain, more some sort of a brown mushy thing.
This agitated me even more as it proved me right. Something wasn't right and those people were surely not normal people you meet and have to share a bed with.
I turned to the other guy who wasn't wearing any sort of hat. But I somehow intuitively knew what to do. I grabbed him near his ear and started to pull. His 'head' came off like a role of paper that had been roled and draped on his neck, like hair, face and all had just been painted on. This fella had no brain whatsoever, his head was just empty!
By the way as soon as I uncovered their 'identitiy' they would just sit there lifeless as if the charm that had kept them alive had been broken.

I continued unmasking the others in the room (don't know how, but I think several were also the paper head kind) and kept yelling, 'Is this your trick?! The hotel rooms are so cheap because you let 1000s book, then you don't have enough rooms and come up with this ha?!' Plus I had a feeling they also took their guests luggage, which they usually leave behind when shown to the rooms.
When the hotel owner realised I saw through his trick he let me and my friend go and I was very happy and relieved I didn't fall for it. So I took my trolley and went away.

*similar to the art style of One Piece Movie Baron Omatsuri and the Secret Island or the first part of Batman: Gotham Knight which have apparently unsettled me quite a bit.


Chu, Ailing

Elegy No.1 (ft. Science Teheran) - Carl Young

• Cristalle Chanel
• necklace, rings H&M
• bangle Forever 21
• Volume 7 Cereal magazine x COS
• bed linen H&M

• necklace H&M
• wicked essie

gown Urban Outfitters shorts adidas by Stella McCartney boxing gloves Alexander Wang x H&M sandals Zara

Avoado*, 21 weeks old

VW2430 BenQ

Bits and bobs of news.

Ever since I went to live on my own I started to get interested in planting.
When I was a kid my parents had many plants and I couldn't really understand nor share their fondness of plants in any way.
I had decided that only adults could find any 'fun' in something as boring and unexciting as growing plants. It didn't help either that I found flowers stink.
Nevertheless I had always liked the nature, trees and forests, the sea and mountains and all those romantic things.
Now that I grew older I like how plants bring a bit of colour and nature into a home. But that's not the only thing.
Growing plants seems to stimulate some maternal instincts. Or how else do you explain that my roommate and I swoon all too often over our babies, worrying whether they are sick, have enough light and love, thinking about names* and squealing with delight when they grow their first leaf ('Oh my god, four months ago you were only a pip!!' /tears) Heck, we even go and buy them nice pots so they'll look good!
*

I fancy Alucard. I mean Alucard(o), the avocad(o).

I'm not a jewellery person. In 6th or 7th grade I used to stack on bangles like my life depended on it. I also bothered to wear earrings and necklaces.
But I grew out of bothering with those things and also bangles are quite impractical. I am simply not a person of whom adorning oneself is a part of (is that a sentence). On a daily basis I don't wear any form of jewellery (not even my prescribed glasses (Y)), although I and probably many other girls constantly plan to do so.
I especially like the trend of stacking on rings (stacking ftw?), but never had 'enough money' to buy a gazillion of rings. Especially because I'm not fond of fashion jewellery at all (an aftermath of those teen years).
But for a special occasion my dress seemed too simple so I bought a few accessories to pimp my outfit. I liked all the bling and the expensive look of my bejewelled hands yo! Although sadly I lost a ring that night. Damn you jewellery!!


I also started to collect magazines. Magazines are things that I have always liked. Their glamorous covers promised life improvement at a max, so being able to afford a magazine now and then was always a special treat.
I am nearly desperate about buying every issue of the Harper's Bazaar which is only available in Germany since this year.
And if you are into hipster things, you sure have heard of the Cereal and/ or the Kinfolk. Both are sophisticated lifestyle magazines, which help to discover the world around us.
And I have yet to find out if it's a presumptuous or cultivated affair.
But while I'm note sure I'll just enjoy reading them, being impressed with the beautiful images and marvel over the interesting articles.


Other than that, excuse for the massive show-off (of what I wonder?)
I bought this fantabulous swooshy dramatic gown last weekend to whoosh around my homely grounds and I love it! I look like a mixture of mysterious geisha, scary ghost of a vengeful widow and sexy Victoria secret vixen (ok not) or as A. said a housewife who's about to seduce her son's best friend... pui!!
Anyway I paired the boxing gloves with it in order to play with the image of a boxer, did you somehow notice? #fail
I even added the necklace to add some (belt) glory...
Anyway the boxing gloves are from the Alexander Wang x H&M collab and I'm not sure about how popular they really are, but I succesfully managed to purchase them! Yay me!!!
They are only hanging around though, I never intended to use them anyway.


Chu, Ailing

1

Artistic pics from last weekend's dinner w A.
No, but could I draw your attention to that un-beautiful wasabi heart?

I have some thoughts about that incident, but first it's story time.

A. had heard of a goodlooking guy doing sushi at that bar, so we went to check him out. (Ok, screw that version, actually he's a buddy of my older bro, so she 'heard' it from me haha).

We entered and had to wait for a bit because there were no free tables, thus we had to slack around at the entrance with drinks.
Then we were guided to our table, which actually was more like a long bench.

The owner of the restaurant asked me to follow her suddenly, I didn't get what was going on, but did as she said. Turns out she just guided me all around the long bench to my seat.
But because my place had an unimpeded view of the bar and aforementioned handsome guy, hereby called S, while the other place was with one's back to it, A wanted to swap places. Which was quite an undertaking.

We ordered our stuff and received this plate which - to our amusement - came with this wasabi heart.
Later we received matcha ice cream for free.

While we were dealing with our generous dessert real quick, cuz it was about time the restaurant closed, the owner approached us and asked where we were from.
When we told her that we were both not locals, she yelled across the restaurant, 'Oh my god, boys, those two beauties not locals lah!!! Oh my god, girls, the guys were eyeing you two forever, wondering where you're from!! They even complain why not sit at the bar!!! Aiyo, I say got place already lucky enough liao! etc etc'
And said boys, i.e. the whole staff were sitting alongside another bench which was facing us from the left~
Imagine this, they were watching us like a movie!!! This has to be next-level embarrassing!! I just put my hair to one side and looked into the other direction /shakes head


Later A. told me sth about a family w a young kid sitting at the bar talking to the sushi guys and looking at us (or so).
Then our waiter came to pick up our plate, turned around to serve us, but stopping midway looking at the place. He turned back to the sushi chefs like 'seriously guys?!', but when those didn't really react, proceded to serve us our food.

HAHAHAHAHA! Isn't that hilarious!!! I'm still lmfao-ing when I imagine those stupid guys kneading the fucking wasabi into a heart and the waiter's reaction!! Bwahahaha

Anyway the family was also observing our reaction and smiled at my friend when they saw that she saw the heart!!!

Actually a quite funny story right?
But when I think back I have a bad feeling about the heart-shaped wasabi....

It was the first thing I noticed on the plate, different from my friend who said that she didn't notice it at all.

Now this really bothers me. Because I kinda have the feeling that it was the first thing I spotted, because somehow somewhere I expected it(?!)
And how conceited would that fucking be?!
It's disgusting!!!!

I don't even think I am pretty! I can be pretty during 1 out of 100.000 seconds and that's it!!! But most of the time I'm quite ugly even...


Also for my friend it was quite a big deal and we discussed the heart for quite a while, but had it been just me, or me dining with myself I wouldn't have given the heart any thoughts at all I think, because, I'm kinda used to those sort of happenings!!!
Getting stuffs on the house, one sushi roll more than usual, sushi in a heart shape, or even just a mischievous wink from the chef - that's kinda the same for me

Which is also dam conceited!!!!
For one it makes you feel special, but I also think it's not uncommon, especially for sushi chefs to deliver 'secret' messages with their sushi art, right?


But how arrogant does it make you if you take such things for granted... or rather find them so normal you don't really take notice of them at all?!


I don't want to be a bitch who thinks she deserves to be treated like that!!!!
And I don't, god forbid, I don't ever!!!!


But I think it's also kind of an automatic protective mechanism of my psyche, cuz if I cared too much about such compliments, I'd go insane, cuz I'd feel incredibly uncomfortable (I hate compliments, which is the subject of another of my countless self-absorbed blog posts).
So maybe it's that?


It's still stupid, but at least it doesn't make me a loathsome person!!
I hate arrogance (except it's some tsundere ikemen haha)


HiAaZz... to even feel that those things are somewhat 'normal'.. As I said, I am not pretty, but admittedly, those things kind of happen 'often' to me.
Which I wouldn't dare to say so myself, but on that night, my friend said, 'Those things only happen to me when I'm with you!' (which is seldom enough)....
But since I'm not pretty, I think there's an 'attention-seeking way' about my demeanour... which I swear by god is never my intention!!!!

I think it's because I feel kinda insecure, especially when I'm in an unfamiliar environment, I want to appear confident and kinda make a big fuss out of my appearance (not with big actions, but in every small action I kinda put that extra bit of in-whatever-way-ever-so-slightly-unconscious-attention-seeking-something, that will catch people's eye ._.).
And - btw men tend to easily confuse a conspicuous woman with a pretty one.... Men are so so dumb~ Let's say a super tasteless dressed woman with bright sparkly orange-purple snakeskin top, short, tight jeans skirt and slut heels is at a club, among normally sexy dressed girls, men will all swoon over the bitch with the lapse of taste, despite her ugliness and despite all other girls being (1000 times more) pretty!!!

So yeah, men confuse that in my case I think.... But it's all... like every other thing only a theory out of 1.000.000.
But that sounds really plausible to me now that I think about it....



That's it!
Please excuse the really LQ ugly pics, I forgot my cam and took those w my phone, which takes lousy pics when exposure is bad.
Chu, Ailing

Just two pics I took while staying at The Club Hotel.
I find the colours and the gadgets funny.


We Are Handsome 'The Pantera' beach towel, MICHAEL Michael Kors phone wristlet

I Can't - 2PM

xx's blog is/was freaking amazing! I feel v inspired to also blog about whatever I have in mind.
So now at 2am I'm half lying in my bed, laptop on my belly!

And a spider had to rope down just in front of my screen. Why do insect have this fucking retarded talent of always appearing right in front of your face at the most stupid times?

Do they want to get killed so badly?

And why is it so fucking irritating to get rid of spiders and their stupid webs/ threads?
I moved my laptop to the left hoping it would take the spider with it and tear up the fucking thread it used to come down with.
Of course it didn't work. As I moved my laptop back the spider was still there trying to get up. I tried it again with no success...


Absolutely irritated I actually got up, switched on the light and searched for my still sealed ELLE to try to get rid of the spider (by flinging it away), then OF COURSE it was nowhere to be found.

FUCK INSECTS! If I could I would make them all stop existing and I fuck care for any environmental damage!!
Even butterflies can go kiss my ass..... ALL SHOULD DIE!!!




But that was not what I wanted to write about.

I know I have mentioned several times that I can't stand being complimented on.
I know many people have this kind of problem, but for me it is kind of worse than I don't know what to say/ how to react/ don't think it was meant sincere/ am not worthy.
I guess I'm really overreacting (on the inside). Recently I again realized how ridiculous and also stupid I am.
I know all of these posts (and tweets) sound like humble-bragging, but I am really not...
Well read and you will see...

A few days ago I tried on this cool coat while I was shopping with my mother.
The coat was slim fit and kinda snug so it did enhance a skinnier body, of course I am aware of the fact that it did look not bad on me (but not extraordinary good either, especially cuz the shoulders were too wide)...

So this staff member was coming along the way and exclaimed, 'WOAH!', before he could think.
Then seeing my or better my mothers reaction (as I immediately backed away) apologized, 'Sorry, I didn't say anything, but it looks really good'

My mother saved the whole situation by having some small talk about fashion with that dude while I acted like he was air.
At that moment I did not think about how my behaviour looked like for others, I actually just wanted to act like nothing happened, like I didn't notice what had happened and what's going on now while I just prayed that the guy would move on so the whole situation would be over.

Only when he left could I return to normal.
Now when I think back, I think my behaviour or attitude looked like I was being terribly arrogant to the point that I don't want to talk with small fries who can do nothing but admire me. (If you know any freakish anime character like that, I might seem exact the same...)

Kinda like 'Ahh! I know that I am amazing, tell me something new you midget'


Yes that sounds arrogant, but it's totally not the image I want to convey... but when I recap the whole scene it could only seem like that, because I couldn't have possibly not notice that dude yelling 'woah!' across the whole room and his convo with my mother who stood right next to me ('the coat looks really classy! I like this kind of fashion blabla')



The thing is I am always acting like that when confronted with praises!
I try to act like nothing happened, long for the moment the person goes back to what they did, because I wish that nothing had happened!!!


I want to be honest and not leave anything out; of course I get a boost of happiness hormones when I learn that someone find sth good/ pretty about or on me.
How can I not?

But it is purely the information that delectates me, the whole act of complimenting is such a pain, if not a torture!
I guess it's a feeling of extreme embarrassment? I don't even know during those seconds my brain totally stops working!

Which is literally what happens: There are times when I don't even hear the compliment (if it really is one) because once I realize where the statement leaving the talkers mouth is going to, my brain just shuts down. I can't think anything at all, except, 'let this be over'. And I don't hear the rest of the sentence!!
That leads to really awkward situations, because when they finish, I don't know what the person has talked about!
I can't say 'sorry? come again?', too, cuz imagine it was a friggin compliment how self-absorbed would that sound like haha

I don't remember any specific event that happened except one time, when I ended up saying 'err.. okay'
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The guy and the person with him look absolutely puzzled and left.
OMG what had I done haha
BUT I couldn't say 'thank you' right? In case it wasn't a compliment, so the most neutral answer really is 'okay'.
I mean 'They weather is really nice tonight isn't it?' - 'err.. okay'
'Are you free tonight?' - 'err.. okay'
'I hate foreigners' - 'err.. okay'
'Do you know how to get to the next gas station?' - 'err.. okay'


Err.. okay it is really not the best answer hahaha I couldn't really help it, I think the one thing you can reply to anything is 'who cares' hahaha

(If you are wondering if my reaction(actually non-reaction) was correct according to my brain's weird thinking pattern or if I'm just a narcissistic bitch, thinking any stranger who approaches me must want to get a love confession off their chest, the convo started like this (at least this is what I can still remember) 'Can I tell you sth?' - 'yes?' - 'you have the most beautiful......' ... I admit I'm kind of deaf at times so maybe he said sth completely different like 'You so ugly yo mama......' Really I don't intend to humble brag haha)



Gah! I don't really want to change that, as I don't want to become one of those people who take compliments for granted, I just wish there was a way to end those situations immediately!

I wonder if there are many people who have similar problems? Let's google....


Ok, I either don't know how to google or there really isn't any more popular discussion about this sort of problem...


Anw, one last disclaimer, I don't react like that always!
When my friends praise me I can of course react accordingly and brush it down or whatever (Gosh I wish I had your hair - Do you know how much I lose when I shower? You wouldn't want to know me any longer... /no humble brag)
Or when family members praise me I will normally act cute (if we are not that close)

But even when people I just know or am just a bit friends with praise me, I will answer with a kind of fake and patronizing curt 'thank you' (or even 'okay'). Which doesn't feel honest or appreciating at all (at least for me) and thus will also disappoint the other I think).


There's really nothing relevant on google... Most people want to know if other also downplay the compliment or can't accept it because of low self-esteem and want to avoid ever meeting those persons again, because they are afraid they might fail them....
I don't have such problems at all.....


Most people who compliment me are strangers (not saying that I get compliments all the time again, no humble brag) so I probably won't meet them again anyway... And even if it is sb that I probably meet again, let's say a shop owner... I'm so sure that I won't live up to any standard I set on that 1st encounter that I couldn't care less....
And really if it's only a short 'See you again, pretty!' (argh no humble brag!) I can live with that since it's a 1 second thing and I wouldn't care about meeting them again too, since I don't care about expectations....

But let's say I had to meet that dude from the shop I bought the coat again.... I'd try to hide behind hanging rails and mannequins... Not because of the expectation mind you, but because the sole memory of that event is stressing me out ridiculously, and I wouldn't want to risk anything like that again.....



So yes I am ridiculous. And I don't know what to think of my behaviour disorder at all haha



In case you are wondering, yes that's my paw in the pictures~
Because, I didn't say that I am not narcissistic either, didn't I? Actually the colours on my nails and of the flowers were just matchy matchy...

If you can't appreciate the art because it's too self-absorbed then maybe the fact that I held the super heavy DSLR with one hand for like half an hour will win you over!
And yes the poses are all nearly the same... But it is very difficult to pose with anything so that your nails wills show haha
Oh yes, the nail colour is Essie Cute As A Button that I luckily got along with a fashion magazine that I never paid for haha.

Chu, Ailing

Spending all my time - Perfume

A first day back to the gym. It's only a trial session. But I guess it's settled that I get me another membership.
I should have an overall wish to stay fit and treat my body well for the rest of my life beyond just wanting to lose weight right now!
I only hope that the instructor will be totally normal. No weirdo~ /cringes


And because of that, I gonna have proper breakfast today. I don't want to faint or nearly faint at the gym ww
I even bought a protein bar in case I'll feel dizzy~ I actually need sugar, but protein bars are more gym appropriate than s'mores or cotton candy.

Btw you know what? I get satisfaction from watching porn!!!!
FOOD PORN wwww
I don't know how, but seeing amazing food pics on pinterest awakens only minimal cravings but more like oh so yum, I gonna cook that (for my family) once I reach my UGW- thoughts. I could browse through pinterest forever for these and still don't feel anything... I have reached food Nirvana! Buddha would be so proud.
Also because I don't feel no fucking hungry. Whole day no eat? Where' the problem... (I know I have mentioned this before, but it's to amazing to not say it a 2nd and 3rd and nth time)


I went browsing my tumblr yesterday (used to be some thinspo/ weight-loss diary) and find that it's funny to have a food diary and look back at it, so I'm going to resume that here.

About yesterday's food:

You probably won't hv noticed but until now, every line breaks begins with A or I #amazeballs

'BINGE' DAY 2

IN
DanActive 1 bottle 71
Mars bar 1 229
low-carb bread 1 slice 132
cream cheese 13
chicken breast 2 slices 26x2
strawberries with lots of sugar
onion/ham stick 1 405
TOTAL 902+

OUT
/

902+

COMMENT
WTF SO MUCH ww
If I allow myself one spluge per day then wtf are the strawberries (with lots of sugar) and that ham stick doing in the list...
Luckily I still lose the normal amount of weight..

I will add today's IN and OUT this evening after dinner and gym.
I try to spread my meals throughout the day to trick my body into thinking that there's always energy coming in, so it won't go on starving mode and store every atom of food I eat.

1st GYM DAY IN A LONG TIME

IN
raspberry - blueberry parfait 104 + 21.25 + 26.25 + 170
candy 108
low-carb bread 1 slice 132
cream cheese 13
chicken breast 2 slices 26x2
ice cream 149
TOTAL 775+

OUT
training 153
crosstrainer 589
TOTAL 742

33

COMMENT
Seriously ice cream?
Candy?
Now that's what I call ruining one's own work... scumbag brain la!
Well, nevertheless, pleasantly surprised...

Back from the gym after a shower/bath. Just had dinner and after that ice cream (thanks brain, again) still my intake today is really little, so please... let me wake up with my GW1 tomorrow!!
The guy at the gym was super over enthu, sunnyboy smile and all, I hate guys like that... You never know if they are serious... And there are really too many guys around...
But I guess I have to go through~


That's it for today! Tomorrow is eventful day!
Chu, Ailing