Saturday, 16 October 2010

About being yourself and hating everyone.

夜曲(Nocturnes) - Jay Chou


That's all I have to say!

For her bday a. is planning a total crash!
Seems very enticing to me! I never smoked in my whole life!

Not even shisha! Like waterpipe~
But I always wanted to smoke! Ok not always, like back in 7-8th grade I hated smokers like little girls hate boys.

Now, I want to smoke. Not out of group pressure, not because I want to lose weight (thought I welcome this side effect!), but just because - ok this sounds retarded - it's cool.
Ok, those smoker-haters among u say, what's cool about poisening yourself and smelling like burned stuff, doing some (extreme) sports (surfing, skating, bungee jumping,...) is also widely regarded as cool and killing u too!

I think, if you do it right, smoking looks really cool!
And, it's kinda has an rebellious charm (maybe more in Asia), that's also a reason for me. Has to do with kinda emancipation too, at least for me. In Asia, there are more men smoking than woman, I guess.

I think those are the reasons why I want to smoke. LoL

Oh, don't tell me I'm going to die sooner -> 2012 is coming already.

I have once again, not very easy stuff to read for you! I'm sry.
You know, blogging about fashion is really annoying because I have to edit so many pics for it!
And I just can't be bothered to do so!

So, there's this book called Steppenwolf, which I had to read for school.
Steppenwolf means coyote or prairie wolf.

It's about an elderly man, who is compared to a Steppenwolf, means he is lonely, minds only his own bussiness, lives cut of from the rest of the world and yeah... kinda a rough and bitter life.
It shows how lonely he is with his thoughts, world view and truth, just lost in society. How wearing must it be to live like him.

The reason for his lifestyle is that he has lost faith in mankind. Humans make mistakes and don't learn, they are ignorant and don't even know it, they are just not thinking at all. They lack self-doubt and the ability to develop.
Knowing this, he feels pain, pity and contempt seeing people living, dieing and sacrificing themselves, because they aren't aware of the futility and senselessness of their doing, nor the triviality of their hopes, dreams and pains they have.
Just blindy living their materialstic life.

He faces them with a mixture of pity, arrogance and disappointment.
The Steppenwolf's own life is more or less about reading books of philosophers constantly trying to educte himself, knowing at the same time that everything he does and people do is in vain.
Even so, in the end, he finds himself a part of this society and so as an inevitable consequence, has to join and bear what he despises so much and will never understand.
Of course this life isn't fulfilling, so he plans to commit suicide on his 50th birthday.

But before that happens he meets a young girl, who seems to be his soul sister, she understands his thoughts and worries perfectly.
But other than him, she has fun in live, goes dancing, enjoys herself, etc. She's trying to teach the Steppenwolf this lifestyle, containing only of superficial happiness, but still~ happiness.
She introduces him to a friendly prostitute and together with a male friend of them, they are trying to teach him to laugh.

Even though at the end he doesn't really suceed in learning it, sth in him has changed. He now tries to understand other attitudes to life and has a certain motivation not to give up and to try to live.

I think the ending of the books is really a good ending. It shows that people, how desperate they are, can find back to life again, by simply accepting and having the will to learn.
The change he experiences give him a reason to live, a reason to hope and to dream and last but not least, to be happy. We see how good life can be.

The reason why I want to write about this book is, because the character of the Steppenwolf strongly reminds me of myself.
I'm a slacker. I don't often hang out with people.

And that is because, I realized very early how vain all people are. I can read people's intention by just looking at them. People sometimes make so stupid mistakes and worse is, they don't even realize ( I hate it when e.g. teachers obviously don't understand a thing of what they are saying, therefore constantly contradicting themselves).
People are so vain and so obvious to me.
That's so poor. So poor that I started despise everyone. Every human. I generally hate everbody.
For me it doesn't mean that I can't be friends with anyone.
It's just a subconscious attitude towards fellow human beings which I don't mind during everyday life.

I also feel the pity, the arrogance and the dissapointment, but the strongest feeling is the contempt, the revolting feeling.

The question is, if everyone's so stupid, why don't I suicide?

Because I'm also born with a strong feeling of absolute indifference. I don't care. If people like to be stupid, than let them be. I try to pity them only.
My indifference is resulting from the fact that I gave up long ago, too.

If you give up, than there's nothing left for you to mind anymore. You can - without feeling bad - ignore everything and bother about only your own bussiness (i.e. collecting cute stuff and being creative and enjoy all those things).

As I mentioned before by giving up like me, you can't really change and at the end don't have this joie de vivre.
But since I gave up everyone and take care of just myself, I can quite enjoy myself so, pwned you all!

In class we discussed about the book and many people agreed that it's better to be open towards life and enjoy those superficial joys than sticking to books and theories and finally suiciding. In a way, they say, these lower people who live in the so-called world of drives/ are more intelligent than those who live in intellectual spheres. His decision to follow this girl into her underworld milieu was therefore right.

I totally don't agree.
I think this is a retarded idea of the authot. I don't know if he did that on purpose or if he's stupid too.
Because by following the girl, he gives up his own way of pursuing happiness (reading books LoL). I don't care how stupid his way (or whoever's way) is to find happiness, but you can't just give up in what you believe in.

You can't just give up your own way of doing things and start to do what others do. That's so shallow, he's got not backbone at all.
Giving up and lacking strength of character is one of the most pitiable flaws of humans. Therefore I really think that the books generally failed.
The message is just wrong. Totally wrong.

It's kinda like 200 Pounds Beauty. She wanted to suicide, got complete plastic surgery and THAN is happy.
Is the message that we should all change ourselfs to meet a certain heteronomous ideal of beauty to find personal happiness?
I guess not.

Well generally, what I really find interesting about the book is the fact, that another person thinks like me. I only hope that I won't end up like that man... would be really depressing.
But actually I care too less about things to get so worn out.
On the other side, I think he isn't as disgusted by human as I am. Hahas ♥

He's kinda sad and disappointed, resigned.
While I am both sick of everything and indifferent.

He suffers while I hate it.

Okays, that's it. Boring stuff finished.
I'm sorry if the topic doesn't interest you, you superficial creatures xD

I still hope that I didn't express my thought to wrody. Hahas ♥

Chu, Ailing

P/s: Btw, I stronly not oppose plastic surgery xD

P/p/s: @♡ mαru
sry for the late reply t^t and your english isn't crappy!

actually i coded the contact page wrong, so the 'send' button was hidden, sooo... all my fault!

can you explain the google chrome browser to me? i don't have google chrome so I can't really check~
maybe there's a way to fix the problem, if not then screw all google chrome users, because firefox is the best !!!

thx for using the skin and btw I edited the contact page so u can use it now Hahas ♥

so, hv a nice day and take care !^^


  1. schönheitsoperationen sind nur dann erträglich, wenn es auch wirklich ein hässlicher extremfall ist. da gibt es leute, die sich 7x an der gleichen stelle operieren, weil sie doch nicht zufrieden sind.
    und wenn man offensichtlich nach plastik aussieht, ist es auch nicht schön. nicht perfekte menschen sind mir eher sympathisch als zerschnibbelte narzisse, die sich so hübsch finden, obwohl das nur erkauft ist.

    wenn du rauchen möchtest, dann ist das deine sache. vom rauchen wird man aber auf jeden fall krank und bei extremsportarten ist das so ein risikospiel :D
    ich bekenne mich als anti-raucherin, daher halte ich von dieser denkweise nicht viel. aber trotzdem will ich jetzt nicht irgendwelche moralpredigten halten ^ ^

    die wandfarbe wird dich wahrscheinlich enttäuschen. ich wollte am anfang altrosé nehmen, aber was ist passiert? ich nehme BEIGE :D freue mich schon auf die renovierung!
    ich liebe fti auch! *__*
    jonghun hat aber auch nen koreanischen akzent ^^ der ist aber wenigstens süß xD
    ich weiß, wie hongki japanisch spricht ♥ nachdem gruppen wie jyj, u-kiss usw. enttäuschen, fokussiere ich mich ja auf fti und c.n. blue ♥

    ich schaue mir auch noch auf reflex rosa gegenstände an °_° so geht's mir auch. manche coco lulu-sachen gefallen mir überhaupt gar nicht mehr. ich kenne aber eine, die sich neulich einen bunten pulli (in regenbogenfarben) im leomuster gekauft hat D: und ganz viele komplett pinke (nicht rosane) sachen. die farbe pink mag ich generell nicht, nur rosa...

  2. AAAACK wie kann man yonghwa NICHT gut aussehend finden? tomaten auf den augen xD? nein spaß, schönheit ist für jeden anders, aber yonghwa o__o der ist in meiner "hot male"-list ganz vorne!
    und ich finde den rest auch gut aussehend, zwar nicht alle, aber sympathisch sind sie trotzdem~! da find ich einige von fti ja weniger gut aussehend (soll nicht heißen, dass die es NICHT sind) - sympathie spielt auch eine große rolle. arrogante schönheiten können mir erspart bleiben.
    obwohl... naja yonghwa hat zwar nicht den traumcharakter, aber whuat soll's

    jo, wenn stars sich operieren... das muss ja schon heißen, dass ihr eigentliches aussehen von der gesellschaft akzeptiert wird, damit sie stars sind, wieso dann noch operieren!? zu viel geld schätze ich mal

    yep, das edle! ^^ ich werde alle wandseiten streichen... oder, hast du irgendwelche ideen? :3
    ja, cn blue ist eher indie rock.. ich mag ja indie mehr als die anderen rockgenre.

    jyj/tvxq ist doch gut in jap.! hab ich was anderes behauptet? wenn ja, dann nehme ich das zurück :D in der vergangenheit waren die vielleicht nicht so gut, aber jeder fängt mal an~
    aber nicht nur changmin, oder? ist das nicht bei jj genauso mit der jap. freundin als option?

    blue moon blue hab ich glaub ich schon mal in einer zeitschrift gelesen. zumindest kenn ich diesen rentier-rock von da und fand den sehr süß ^^