Baby It's You - June
Things I want at the moment
  • a decent gym (and nice training clothes www)
  • a Vesta or Harley Davidson
  • my dream weight

I just want a gym that offers Pilates or yoga or a combination, but no, got nothing like that near my house... /saddened
Ah the struggle www

And the Vesta/ Harley Davidson thing is very random. I always liked bikes and if I could ever drive those it would prove to myself that I'm not a wimp ww But I am. Car driving I hate already... And when I see people learning how to drive a motorbike I get the creeps just by watching ww
I like Vesta because they look really vintage and have this freedom feel to them... My cousin has a pink one (with Hello Kitty seat cover w). And Harley Davidson because that would be the ultimate bad-ass symbol.

Yes, yes I know my posts are super random and pointless, but I just have the urge to write everything down!
About my dream weight.. Would that scale be here I could at least know how far I am from it, but alas it comes but tomorrow...

it's tomorrow by now

In case anyone's interested: instead of studying I watched like 13 eps of 黒子のバスケ ytd .・ヾ(。 ̄□ ̄)ツ
I like Aomine, Tatsuya, Kagami and Kise! And I hate the stupid pervert glasses guy of Aomine, the two murder idiots, Alex and Kuroko!
Talking about Tatsuya's seiyuu ytd somehow led me to promising to watching Free!. HiAZz I gave it too easily. What I saw from Free! til now was not very promising. So I figured Haruka (please let that be his name~) is the protagonist and his character ist just... duh!? And then the Makoto (I even knew who this was by myself) guy is double pointless, the little boy absolute annoying and Rin (that one I also myself know, cuz he closest to my type) has the same mouth as inspector Yamamura WTF !!! what's going on with ikemen these days?!
In 黒子のバスケ, too the only obviously 100% ikemen is Tatsuya and he is like supporting side character only! Even Kise the beau is not ikemen... And Aomine and Taiga are only ikemen because of their personality (and ok-looks...)

Still have 4 eps to go... After that Free! (or not ww)

Today weather is super bright and warm and sunny and it makes me feel very Japanese! (Yes you read that right)
I've got the song 旅立つキミへ stuck in my head all day, cherry blossoms and all! BUT I HATE CHERRY BLOSSOMS!
Yes, I decided it's official, I hate pink flowers on trees.... I don't know how it's beautiful, it just seems to be spam to me...
Right now I can't even remember if I ever found them really breathtakingly picturesque at any point of time, but now I just think, ok it must be very refreshing and invigorating to see the streets decked in colours after a long grey winter and that's it.
The cherry blossoms itself, I hate...
Nevertheless I like the song very much!!

So after coming home from lab afternoon, I felt v tired and my room was incredibly hot because of the sun!
I went to fetch my scale somemore and it's..... hidoi.... but I'm not going to return it, because I also can't help it if the world consists of only ugly scale desginers wtf!
Anyway I still haven't reached my 1st gw (goal-weight in anorexic/ thinspo lingo), still need 0.8kg/ 1.76lb. Yet I'm still surprised.... Haven't been this skinny in a long long time..
My BMI now 19.... I need to lose a few more pounds... Ok more than a few...

That is also because ytd I (
how do you call this
) binged www Ok I had two maoam packs and like 2 fat slices of breads. Even so, the day before I only had one pack of maoams (I'm so ridiculous I know www).

It is better if I stay outside a lot (aka school) because at home I often eat out of boredom (in school when bored at least cannot eat) and outside I'm just not hungry because I constantly have sth to do.

Nah, anyway, I'm tired now, because I old lar.... I end this post here now.
(if now I seriously nap then need bitch slap pls.. thanks ar)

EDIT Didn't sleep, but went to take a bath!
Recently I, too, like to live very dangerously and use phone while I lie in the bathtub www Til now nothing happen (of course) but maybe some day will? ww

After that I feel a bit refreshed and now I study a bit.
Yesterday I was v angry w my parents. I notice that recently I get very upset when people suddenly change plans.
This is because I try to plan things that will make everyone have an enjoyable time according to people's plans, but when they suddenly change them, all my thoughtful thinking was in vain and it appears as everyone shit on my niceness /sobs /condemns the heavens

But now everything is OK and yeah just wanted to add this. kthxbye

Chu, Ailing


it's 9pm and I'm very tired already.

I like travelling at night time, because it's so dark outside and you only see lights and can make out some dark shapes that could be a hill or the horizon. Everything seems kind of mysterious and the things that are bright seem double important.

That's why I also don't mind/ like to drive at night although I normally hate driving.
But at night it feels like you travel through space and time w Or in outer space.
It seems kind of unreal... that or I'm just weird.
It has this kind of 'cruising through the darkness'-feel... !!

To keep you updated about my diet:
The last 2 days I ate enough for like 10 days or so. Not sure if I gained it all back, bt surely a bit at least.
I also snacked like nobody ever cared.

I think I actually want to go to the gym~
Even if I can do only cardio... Better than nothing.
I know if I'm so reluctant to go to the gym why don't I just save the money and stay at home and do some sports there. But at home I can't be motivated to move at all. I need equipment and the right atmosphere.
Sounds dumb but so is humankind...

And I again forgot my cam... So annoying~ I can't share any pictures, just these spamy test posts (I'm aware that they don't look very welcoming w)

But I gonna have my bro bring it to me in a few days... Hopefully he won't forget it...

Ok I really want to nap now, ttyl

Darn it! Feels so good to nap. I just wanna arrive home watch Star Trek and falls asleep again www
Or to travel in here forever. It's dark, warm, fascinating and softly rocking to and fro.. oh yes, driving home in a bus at night is the best thing ever. Except for being a millionaire, that's maybe a bit better. But only a bit...

Bt I'm home soon.
I look forward to a bit of school tml and even more sleep during the day www
Omg I'm such a boring stay-at-home. Why do I even own a blog?!

I hate lab work so so much. At least this time round I have a nice partner who work with, and I trust her to be a bit more skilled and knowledgable about lab work than me www. Because I SUCK.

Anyway I bought this Victoria's Secret bikini top in black.

Victoria's Secret Beach Sexy Cropped Top

The image looks ridiculous. It's really hard to find a bardot style bikini top like this.
I've searched everywhere, but could only find VS, Urban Outfitters , Beach Riot and Lolli Swim (both last season) selling this cut.
Plus the top is really really very tight. I nearly couldn't squeeze myself in ww.

I now need a nice bikini bottom(s) and then I'm all set. To go. To Singapore. And never come back. 짱!

And finally going to order a scale now. Looking forward to it. Whoever said money couldn't buy happiness, doesn't know happiness. Money only buys happiness.

Ok, see you again tomorrow.
Chu, Ailing


now have to rewrite wtf ffs fml

in-transit blogging!

some people are so incredibly abnormal I can't even.

a few rows behind me are 2 women and one just take out a book to read:

1: oh so you're reading? *reads out title dramatically*
2: yeah *patronizing*
1: *reads 'mysterious love story's from description on book cover dramatically*
must be very exciting right?
oh you're only at the beginning?
is it hard to read yeah?

FFS can anyone think of any dumber, annoying and unnecessary stuff to say? I award her with the Golden Butt Kick for that.
I hate those people that say those kind of stupid, unconnected things.
'is it hard to read?' WTF ppl never start a book from the first pages isit? always just read the climax and the end right?
HOW can a sane person say such a sentence?  

2ndly the other woman obviously doesn't take out a book because she wants the other one to drop one comment dumber than the other about it. People with books commonly want to read it without being disturbed by some busybodies' annoying and absolute useless chitchat...
HOW do you not realize that? I just can't...

Yesterday night I was very restless so I googled stuff like 'eating only one bread a day'

Ardent anorexic fighters prognosis are devastating: apparently I will die soon due to nutrient deficiency!
My kidney functions will break down, etc and I will get cancer. Ok cancer is not...
But my body will also start to metabolize all the muscles away, it will 'start to devour itself'. I will become 'skinny but soft'. !!!
But my stomach will also shrink, which doesn't sound so bad because mine is a bottomless pit; I eat my friends meals for them if they can't finish as a matter of fact (///▽///)

Nevertheless I don't think human bodies are so weak and die so easily when you only eat bread for some time...

I also don't intend to do this for too long, maybe like 2 weeks until I reach my dream weight.
I know they said I'd gain it all back in no time because idk because I will eat normally again?

I just have to be more cautious about what I eat then...

Still I don't want any nutrient deficiency so I reckon I gonna vary my meals a bit (not that I have absolute the same thing and really 'bread only' the last days).
Today I started the day with two glasses of soy milk, with one glass being slightly over 100 kcal! Why everything so friggin much?! I think everything that is over 100 per portion is just soo much (* - -)

Also I wonder how to continue my diet during this weekend... meh most likely I will gain all that I lost back... I swear I can gain 3-4 kg on one day...

And I don't want my muscles (whatever muscles I have) to vanish either.
I know how important muscles are for weight-loss. So I think I should do some sports? I don't really like lifting and cardio stuff, but I'd like to do yogates, or pilates... or yoga if got no choice. I really like pilates but only w machines which I guess cannot find anywhere... Yogates also cannot I think.... And just yoga isn't really helpful for weight-loss...

The gym near my place only has the typical like muscle training, cardio and err idk. Not anything that I'd wanted to do ... so how? ah #firstworldproblems

Chu, Ailing


Walao ytd I totally praise 2048 today I crack it already (during lessons w). It is actually not very hard, who wants to know how, I share with you guys ww.
Now I am again left with nothing... But nvm I still enjoy replaying it w.

Apropos games, another game that I got introduced to is a simple quiz game and you can challenge strangers, because it's multi-player. Funny enough you can also chat to the strangers, which I don't think people really do.
Today suddenly I received a message from a guy and ughh, why are guys so absolutely fucking lecherous, it's not only disgusting but inhuman!! Can't they maintain a certain class?!
I actually like to chat with strangers, because it's fun to play with them and troll around. It's my speciality to toy around with unknown internet men www Oh the good ol' IRC days... But this guy was just too dumb to converse on my lvl so I had to quick or I puke.
So here's how the convo went:
Are you female?
however I semi-played along because til now it could be sort purposely pretend la
added question mark to tease him a little

How old?
ok now I'm absolutely sure that he's a dumb faggot

too old for you
admittedly not very witty, it's my standard reply, because I can't think of any more witty ones, only equally dumb ones like 69,6,66,666,100,etc

haha do you think so? how old are you

where are you from?
from there on I was really tired of his lame and dumb way to chat I ignored him a bit and received more shit like

are you still there?
are you interested in 39 yr old men?
still there?
well then bye

And the moral of this story: The internet is full of horny, moronic old men. Oh what news....

I was showing this to the girl who sits next to me and she was like You and your pedos www That is because ytd I also receive a message reading Who are you?
I hate those messages, like whole world wide web got a zillion of people cannot go and ask everyone who they are when you know it could be anyone from Swaziland or Seychelles or dunno your neighbour whom you don't even know, so stop asking online people that dumb question!!!!

Today me and Namakemono-san (yes,the girl who sit next to me) spontaneously decided to skip maths, because one of the students has to present the homework and we both don't really feel like doing it www
Also this homework very easy one so nvm if we skip ww

Then I realize I wanted to meet GS-hyeong at Starbucks after class so now I have like a bit time to kill and decided to blog.
I just checked the nutritional facts of Starbucks' products; everything is just soo nutritious how can Western ppl not be fat?! Drink 2 or 3 hot chocolates with cream is already enough for one day...

A. said if I don't pay attention I will become anorexic.
My honest thoughts are, technically seen I am anorexic by now www

Ok what constitutes anorexia?
I don't really know but a few things I can think of just with common sense.
I think it's not only looking like a pile of bones, but also wanting to look like a pile of bones. That I definitely despise.
But maybe there are anorexics who don't want to be so thin, but just can't turn off their control mania when (not) eating. Some anorexics actually don't primarily want to lose weight, but just have a control mania... That I also don't have.
Eating very little? Yes, that I do right now - but I am nowhere near starving or feeling uncomfortable. Which actually can't be normal... Ok normally I don't move very much throughout the day, but now with school I actually do walk around a bit. On the other hand I guess humans from industrial nations have enough body fats to survive like 5 days without food www

Concluding I'd say maybe my acting a bit anorexic, but my thinking actually is not. Just wannabe skinnier (who doesn't seriously...)

Oh and about counting calories: I don't know why cool people all act like it's such a pretentious, unnecessary things to do and that they are to cool to do that?
'oh yeah, I have never counted calories. I just can't check what's in this or this product all the time... you know? It's just not my style' FUU act-superior people.

I don't really think frantic calories counting is adequate, but come on, it's a pretty basic principle. Less in than out. And how would you know if you really have a smaller intake than outtake (ww) if not checking it?
I also don't count every single calorie but I do check the approximate amount of nutritions in the products I eat (at times) to have a vague idea of what I'm doing.

You know what I'm thinking of? Making a list where I count how many times:
  • the door opens and close
  • people come
  • people leave
  • how loud they are.

I'm talking about them john's visiting the prossies next door, because they are extremely loud - I mean when entering or leaving or knocking or ringing, like they seem to intentionally slam the door as hard as they can, some ring like mad (in the manner of pressing the door bell in really short intervals until the door is opened). Even the prossies themselves have no shame and also yank the door open with full power, so that everyone knows that yet another one arrive.
I'm really curious about what's actually going on over there... but I will likely never know....

Ok, now I prepare to leave...

I think the mugs from Starbucks are kind of pretty and cute...

Studying surely sucks. I just spent like 3h doing homework, because I was watching 黒子のバスケ at the same time. It's sure is ikemen spam. My favs are Aomine, Kagami, Kise and Kagami's American friend w. I hate the gay glasses guy of Aomine, the purple guy with ridiculous name and the red-haired meanie, although I haven't seen him in action yet. I call him the Zorin Blitz ww.

I finally decided to invest in a scale... It is necessary to track progress (or regress w). My principle is to spend money on household stuff while still being supported by parents www. By this you need to spend less own money when being independent some time in the future www.
But I won't buy a too high-tech scale, because science will create much cooler scales in the future, so it's not worth it (I know, the fuck am I thinking? ww)

Chu, Ailing

얼음들 - 악동뮤지션
Yet another day. Hearing what kind of work expects me for chemistry makes me really doubt and hesitate.
I think I'm simply not made for doing work with my hands, even if it's not hard construction kind of work, but filigree lab work or doing surgeries or stitching... I can't be bothered to utilize my hands like this, it's not my style...

These days I'm spending classes draining the battery of my phone... We all got addicted to playing 2048!! Thanks to Kim who introduced the game to one after the other ww.
I like those simple games that require a bit of thinking, so my favourite games are Triple Town, Unblock Me and maybe 2048 from now on! But my highscore very low la, like 8000-. Anyway I play til my phone die and everyone else also kill their phones. Lectures are just too boring...

Other games I like are those wannabe detective ones which are a tad scary and also those where you have to find stuffs w, challenging but not unnerving.

On another note, I get a parcel from the U.S. and international tracking (at least with USPS) has improved or how?
Normally you can only track within the origin country and after depart to destination country it will just disappear from the radar. But this parcel they even tell me how it passed customs and is now transported to delivery place!! Oh future thou art but wonderful...

Lastly a note regarding friend-zones from the other day.
I don't remember if I ever blogged about this so sorry if I'm repeating myself.

I think for a girl to be friend-zoned it is not that bad, because girls can really not coincidentally be around to help you carry grocery shopping or help set up furniture or give you a ride to work or such nonsense.
But girls can do all kind of favours for a guy without it appearing unnatural. That is, because traditionally women serve man more than the other way round (let's not get into gender roles an gender equality here). So women are not humiliating themselves, while I guess men do. And that is why friend-zoned dudes are so popular, because it is very unusual or ridiculous and that's what entertaining.
And that's also why there are no real memes or anything about friend-zoned girls!!!

And that is why I think

There should be a dude-zone for girls. I think I'd be a kind of girl that gets dude-zoned easily!
So what is a dude-zone?
It is a sphere where a guy sees all his pals and best friends with whom he hangs out to play God of War, COD, Need for Speed, Battlefield or Worms (lok ok who play worms?).
You're in the zone, you get to join into all the dude activities like a guy gets to join into girl activities if they're friend-zoned.
Watching porn or The Expendables, whatever lah I'm no specialist about things that guys doo (according to 9gag wanking off all the time); you are seen as a leggit dude - boobs balls and all.

I think I'm easy to dude-zone because I enjoy many dude-activities and hate many things girls like. I don't really play video games or any games though, but that's because I simple don't like to utilize my hands (see paragraph 1). At least I enjoy watching other people play Haha.

Okay I just finish my homework although I didn't finish it (no sense, I know). Saddened because I like the subject actually, but most go sleep liao.

Chu, Ailing


Too goddamn tired to blog!
Today was super long day, although I could sleep til nearly 9... but then I stay at school til past 5. After that a girl from class and I drag each other to Mc.
I ate so friggin much probably enough for 3 days !!!!

Because of my situation right now the last few days I had a total of maybe 600 calories intake!!! Like one package of maoam, one sandwich and a pretzel stick! And like a glass of sprite!!
Today was humongous burger, sprite and fries!! I should have thought about my diet before agreeing to go to Mc, but my mouth quicker than my brain >.<
Anyway I need to ganbare through this now that I found out I can very well survive with only one small meal per day!!

Anyway I'm so tired I just want to go to bed and sleep... But I still have to study a bit and print out stuffs for school... I don't know what's it about my personality, but I absolutely hate to print stuff for school, or look up things for school, etc...

At least today is rainy day... But it didn't rain when I looked outside. I wish it would rain exactly like in 黒子のバスケ ep 12 (the coach girl and the glasses player have some chemistry going on right? why don't they just confess lah /hiaZz haha). The rain in there is especially beautiful. Somewhat sad and strong, but then again very soft... (Yes, I'm rain-obsessed).
At least it's windy or stormy, so it lifts up my mood a bit. (eh? because it's kinda cold I get goosebumps from watching 黒子のバスケ ww)

A and I today chat all day about Singapore! She was at work, I hope everything goes well and we can both go!!

Ok, that's all for today. I'm honestly forcing myself to blog daily, even if it only has a therapeutic effect... (if anything)

Chu, Ailing