Wednesday, 31 July 2013

Note to

사랑의 시 - 4Men

I'm actually totally not in the mood for colorful summer pictures and everything, but I don't want to be a spoilsport either (not that anyone would care ).
Also I have like a million of other things going on in my life just now and enough topics to think about, but this is one of them and I need to get this cleared, too, so why not post about it.

This is another issue of my αʹ☆zillion line, which basically are just lists of things about me
Today's subject: αʹ☆zillion of appearance-related complexes

I actually developed many complexes over the years, which all concern outer appearance. Now that I think about it, I don't have any other complexes related to mental problems... What's typical of my complexes is they mostly concern features that I dislike about myself. And so I automatically scan those features on others first, before I pay attention to anything else. I might even hate them on others more than on myself.

Chronologically listed:
  1. face shape what really triggered this is Korean v-line obsession I think. what created the basis is my mother.

    She has a super square face, which partly comes from her genes I think, plus she's also grinding her teeth. And when I was younger, or maybe even now, she would tease me by saying 'oh, what a square face you have!' or 'why is your face so squaare?' I didn't really mind, because I always thought she wanted to allege that I'm fat. Now, if she'd say it, I also wouldn't take her too serious, because luckily I'm Asian, but my face is actually rather v-shape (although still quite wide)

  2. fat lips trigger: an allkpop post about Niel's sausage lips. basis: my parents

    Ok, so also when I was younger, both my parents would always tease me about my fat lips, which I got from my father (although his lips aren't really fat). Especially when I woke up, they'd make fun of me by saying that I have the biggest pout ever. I didn't give a damn about those comments back then until I read this stupid allkpop article. I then thought that boys aren't suppose to have fat lips and that's how it started. Whenever I see boys w fuller lips it gets very hard for me to like them, e.g. Exo's Kai, Shinee's Taemin, TVXQ's Changmin (ok someone has a SME issue). (my father used to resemble Changmin when he was younger btw) I don't really know if I should like them on girls, though. Most people think it's sexy, so I'm kinda saying to myself, that it's a cool thing. But then again, I kinda hate them, too.

  3. eyebrows trigger: Korean eyebrows. basis: none

    so this has to be my biggest complexe! I absolutely hate it when people don't have neat eyebrows. And I semi-absolutely hate it when woman have super angular eyebrows (like most Westeners have).
    I think in the very beginning I thought super triangular eyebrows just make you look like a bitch. Therefore I called them 'bitch eyebrows'. It was one of the things I hated about this world. There are people who hate prostitution other detest injustice, well as for me it's bitch eyebrows. But at that time, it was just hatred.
    I noticed at some point of time that Koreans don't pay attention to their eyebrows at all and that they just look like fresh out of Stone Age, but I didn't really care about how eyebrows affect your face at all and it was just this insignificant observation. Then suddenly Koreans started to shape their brows without me really noticing and I saw my first Korean eyebrow tutorial. I loved it! But I didn't care that much about my own eyebrows until my friend said that she thinks short (Korean) eyebrows make your eyes bigger.
    Around that time I looked at my own eyebrows and noticed, 'Hey, I have none!' (inherited from my father as well, but can't complain, I also inherited hairless legs from him).
    My current state is: a) I wish I had more eyebrows so that I wouldn't look so plain and harsh. b) Men who have neglected, overgrown eyebrows are horrible (I don't want men to really plug them obviously, but male idols have nice eyebrows w/o looking artificial, too). c) Women with rank growth eyebrows are horrible, but I find it worse on men somehow.
    Recently, I have been thinking about shaving my eyebrows completely away, to see if they'll grow back thicker, but I heard that sometimes they won't grow back ever again, so I guess I have to live w my sparse upper eye hairs

  4. hands/fingers trigger: none basis: my mother

    I don't know at what time I got that, but my mother is kind of Asian aristocrat, so she always pays a lot of attention to (female) hands. And hers a quite nice, and mine are, too. But you know, the more you pride yourself on sth, the more likely you are to criticize it or talk it down. Like you create a painting which you find absolutely perfect, but hmm - there, this cloud it could have a more harmonic shape to blend more beautifully with the sky.
    So what I find really uncool about my hands is that lately my veins pop out look construction worker hands lah! And my hands are freaking white and my veins are fat and blue Also my fingers are not slender, but they are thicker were the joints are like the Elder Wand and I find it absolutely un-pretty, I tell ya. I once looked up the meaning of that palmistry-wise and it's not bad (I think), but I still hate them.
    So when I see idols with ugly hands I get friggin agressive (on the inside ) and rail against my fate for not being an idol with so much prettier hands

I used to have a leg-related complexe which caused me to always compare unknown women's legs That pretty much went away, I still dislike my legs, but it's nothing like the problems I mentioned above

Ok, so that's it... My parents appear like devils who push all their expectations and dreams onto their kids (which isn't so entirely wrong) and therefore ruined my young life

Chu, Ailing

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