等等

等等 - Olivia Ong

I remember there was a time when I forced myself to write into my diary everday. It must have been long ago.
I started to write diaries when I was about 7 years old. You might wonder what 7 year old kids have to say... I also used my diary as a scrapbook and loved to decorate it with stickers and pictures that I had out of magazines etc. I also had free disposal of around 50 gel pens.
All in all I kept my diary/ diaries quite regularly and also used to write in different languages.

At some point of time during middle school I started to write less and less into my diary, just because I couldn't be bothered.


What I am thinking about is, many people want to have blogs similar to diaries, just that they are public. And also though many mean it, it is not so easy to completely be open about oneself towards a possible audience of millions.
I thought so, too. I'm not really shy when it comes to controversial topics or criticising people, but therefor I have other subjects which are hard for me to talk about.
But the main point why blogs can not that easily be diaries is, leading back to the starting sentence, not all things are worth reading for all people.


The reason why I wanted to write into my diary on a daily basis was not just to record my exciting daily life. And whilst diaries surely have this function of perpetuating one's everyday life and happenings, I think using it as a mean to excogitate, to philosophize does this little book, these personal compositions much more justice.

But when one runs a blog, topics are in some way or the other filtered into things which will interest others and things which won't.
Some things are then deemed to be not interesting enough to be written down and that does defy the existence of a diary (of a not soo~)




So hell yeah, I'm writing more often and fuck yeah, the contents are getting more boring!
Summer is here (I actually hate weather talk). And my memory might be very very bad or it has never been this hot before! At least not in June. Unbearable hot!
But I'm not really in the mood for summery things, that's why the downgraded summer fun picture.

On my way to school is an area with many apartment buildings surrounded by countless pretty amazing pine trees. The whole scenery has an absolute fabulous retro feeling to it, which I love. And I've come to love pine trees. They all look like (somewhat extra-ordinary) real life bonsais ww. I wish I had a smaller camera with decent quality, so I could quickly snap pictures while on the go.

Which leads me to the fact that I am broke. I have never been broke. Never. I spent money like hell-knows but I have never been broke (well, I have run out of cash in New York once, but never out of credit). But now I am and it's funny. Cuz it's good. I finally can't buy shit anymore and that means, hello, most welcomed shopping diet (THIS really is a fucking ugly non-word).
Still I'd like to have a smaller Nikon (for a change) or maybe even a Samsung camera... whatever!


Now to the incident of the day:

I was walking a few paces behind this old men when he suddenly stopped and turned around to look at me.
I wwent straight on and when I was on the same level with the men he breathed at me! I don't know how to say it, but he was like 'HhhhhHHHHoOOoo' into my direction (not in my face, cuz I didn't look at him, luckily!)
Luckily I also have this habbit of not really breathing or instantly holding my breath near some kind of people, so I don't think I inhaled his most toxic, disgusting old men bacteria, BUT WTF
Just what?

1. He hates me personally because I'm young/ Asian/ walking so fast/ yadda yadda and has these disgusting illness that he wants to infect me with
2. He's a zombie/ mutated lab creature that just brainlessly wants to spread his futuristic gentically manipulating illness around the world!
3. He's a disguised fairy who wanted to bestow on me some lucky ether which will make everything I touch turn into millions for me!!!

What do you reckon? Anyway, there isn't really any plausible explanation for this behaviour, so I guess he's just sick.



Another essential topic my world now revolves around is to finally sort out if I am (can be) a good student or not... It has been a long time since I have been one (?) and recently I haven't been at all. I just want to know it.
That's why I want to study like mad for now, see if it's possible~



Chu, Ailing x x