Monday, 24 September 2012

Soul Eeater.

I am very desperately trying to blog more!
Without anything to say actually hands down

Ok, actually, I have so many things to say.
I just can't/ am too lazy to word them down.

I think, I'm better with writing everything irl, means using a pen and a sheet or paper.
The toughts come out different and the editing is totally different!

My blog is less pink now (whined over that last entry), I hope you like it?
Somehow I am trying to be simplier and mature wtf! How come?

But I know already that my efforts are in vain, because I can never have a constant skincare routine. Every woman I respect, who has settled in life, has a well-conceived skincare routine, which must and will be repeated day by day.
I'm not talking about chairwomen of IGotMoreMoneyThanYou.Ltd, but Xiaxue, QQ or Pony?

What do we learn from women with skincare routine?

  • the ability to set oneself a goal: PERFECT SKIN
    ok, this one easy lar! I also wan have perfect peaches and cream complexion

  • The ability to unwaveringly pursue this goal!
    Buying cosmetics, Trial & Error through all of them, applying until reaching perfect skin, continue to apply after that to maintain perfect skin, spending money for botox or thermage... this testifies true mental strength!

  • Whereas, I am weak and most of all lazy.
    The truly un-grown-up thing about this is to be so irresponsible and indifferent towards one's own resolutions and goals!
    How often have I already promised myself to finally pull it through?

    Consequently, I - as just scientifically proven - can never grow up!
    Thank you!

    Between Responsibility Towards Others and Oneself

    This is such an adult-y topic that I am totally reluctant to write about it. Because such adult problems don't belong into my blog lol (you see what I did there).
    The older you are, the more problems you discover, even with smallest things. As a kid, it's only what you want, that counts. As a grown-up, you suddenly start to worry about others fml. You have a wonderful dilemma, if you add those two to your current life situation!

    Now, that it's about time, that I chose my own path in life, I find myself standing between my own wishes and aims, and my parents (and grandparents) expectations.
    As an individual, I am most of all devoted to my personal happiness.
    But I am more than just me, I am also a daughter (who happends to be not so dumb orz). And as a daughter, I am also commited to my parents' wishes.
    And I am also a sister, and as a sister, I am responsible for my brother.

    Personally, I'd like to go to somewhere else, learn on my own, see how far I can go and what I can achieve, test my limits and succeed.
    But when I go, my brother will fail school LOL Sometimes I wish I were my brother. He's disappointed my parents so often, that they only wish for him to anyhow graduate. So they let him study whatever he wants. And me, the intelligent child, must study the best thing only lar! Be the doctor or engineer!!!
    The funny thing is, my brother is the friggin intelligent beast! He IQ of over 200! (I don't know exactly ok? I also don't want to make wrong statement, but very intelligent one!) But he just can't do the school thing, because he says the teachers are stupid and what-not. And if I'm not here, he will dump school, because I'm the only person, who can talk to him on his level.

    Anyway, I've come to a standstill. On the one hand unable to decide, on the other hand too scared to go trough the consequences of my decision.
    I'm reading a book right now (
    unfortunately, not the wise, adult kind of books, so I don't name the title HaHa
    ), in one situation the girl also has to decide between two things. Both of them seem to be wrong. Then she remembers what her uncle oncle told her.
    When things went wrong, the worst you could do was nothing. 'Sometimes you have to make a choice. Maybe it's a good one, maybe not. But it's better than doing nothing.'

    I have known this since Day 01, nevertheless I'm dreading to decide.
    If only I were different. If only my parents were different. If, if if,~

    I hate time. Time flies, time goes. It never comes back. You lose it, second after second. You lack it.
    The worst monster that modern society created; it's not money, nor weapons, but time. Time takes our lifes, with every breath we draw. And in the past moments, when we should have lived, we chase time. It runs out and vanishes, taking us closer and further into the uncertainty of the future. The future is a begetting of the time. Spawned out of its elusive, anti-existent nature, the future is a vague shadow, never here, never comes, never exists, but still we feel its pressure.

    Especially me.
    Or whoever undergoes the same hardship and torture of life - Cheers, there will come a better time - not (LOL).
    Ok, ok, sry, don't suicide. I really think, that things change wtih time, and one day everything will be different. If, I could finally made up my mind.

    Oh bravo I ruined my carefully built emo pzazz.
    Being problem-laden is cooler than being happy! And I rarely manage to dive this deep into the world of despair and frustration.

    Which is a good thing!
    To make amends I shall blog only about happy things next time! (rarely manage to do that, too!)

    Chu, Ailing


    1. Wow. That's a hard decision to make. It's like choosing between happiness and dreams OR someone's future (who happens to be someone who means a lot to you aka family). I hope you'll be able to make the best decision!

      All the best! :)