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Monday, 16 June 2014

On food and feelings


It is funny, disappointing, annoying, astonishing how things you learn at school do influence you after all.
For example, we talked about addictions and/ or mental illnesses during middle school. Everyone had to pair with someone and prepare a presentation about a certain illness for the whole class. I covered anorexia, bulimia and adiposity.
And now I'm generally very interested in (and also fascinated by) eating disorders. But I think it's also because I want to be very skinny.

Another point is that I once interned at a hospital at (in?) the ward for internal medicine. In particular we had many patients who had problems with their alimentary canal. And oh wonder, you could say that it's the most interesting topic concerning medicine for me now.
Although it is very disgusting (digestion!) - I saw a 200kg guy who had a gigantic hole in the middle of his ass idk what they did there but you could fit two fists in that hole, I've seen people with full stomata (that's an artificial anus, i.e. a plastic bag where your shit is collected instead) dropping out of the hole of their bellies or my cousin told me she saw people throwing up their own shit, hands down possibly the most disgusting aspect of medicine on living(!) humans - I still like it the most (ok that might be exaggerated).


So y'all should be careful about what you learn, you might like it later on~



More funny things! My relationship with food! Funny how it can change so fast and so extreme!
On certain days I be like, 'what does it even matter? hand me that mayonnaise bro, we gon eat like no tomorrow' and on other days, 'omgwtf this glass of water I just drank! Just this feeling of fullness already makes me sick. Fuck this bad conscience although I know that it has 0 cal! What should I do?! I will never lose weight!!'.

Now someone explain that. I wish I was more often on that water is evil- side, but it isn't granted me.
At least this speaks volumes about human psyche; we are all fragile. And it shows how easy it actually is to develop an eating disorder (not for me though, I'm still going strong ww x).
Anyway, when I first gathered some information about this topic and probably it's the same thing for most of you, too - we think it's impossible for us to stick a toothbrush down our throat or to be disgusted by the 'bloating' of a glass of water. But now I could say that these opinions change to the exact opposite from one day to an other just like that.

What I want to say is, most of our judging is based on comparisons with recent standards. We adjust our standards to current circumstances and rarely pit our deeds or thoughts against higher ideals. Examples? People who grow up in a normal environment and were friends with us now rob helpless old grannies in order to get themselves and their friends enough money to buy drugs. We used to hate smokers, but now that everyone we know kinda smokes it isn't all that bad... And so on.

We don't (always) think, 'this is the most reputable of all things, I want to be like that', but we think 'I want to be better/as good as/ only a bit worse than standard'. And if that changes our thinking changes with them.
Of course some things don't change (that easily), like killing someone. Most of us will still flinch from doing so even if suddenly a civil war wear to break out where we live. But for some, this process is happening (faster). And that is because 'everyone is doing it, so it is normal/only a bit worse if I do it, too.'
This is also how some explain why so many Germans suddenly became cruel murderers during WWII and even killed children without hesitating.
In the beginning we think it's very cruel and absolutely wrong, but then we don't think about it that often anymore, because we already have thought of everything that could be thought of this subject. And then after a while, it's the most normal thing ever. Another way is that we think about it all the time and it becomes completely normal for us because it had been in our head all the time.
Very much the same as why we don't find looking out of the window during train journeys as interesting as when we were kids anymore. All things are relative.

Well, I just wanted to share this with you, because I think many people are too sure of everything, but the reality is 'All that is certain is that nothing is certain. Not even this.'.




Chu, Ailing x x x

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