Friday, 16 January 2015


2 issues and one prologue

I have this new app (that isn't that amazing) which let's you mix different nature sounds to create a relaxing atmosphere.
I have always loved this kind of thing even as a kid (which makes me kinda old), nice sounds make me feel so comfortable and at ease.
I had this study software back then with a virtual environment, one of the features I always used is to set a background sound.
My stable favourite is the sound of rain of course (and everything that comes with it; lightning, wind, etc). Generally I like everything with water; ocean waves, rivers, you name it.
I also liked the sound of a busy city life very much.
For some time - during my heavy depressive phase - I could die on the sound of birds singing, but now I'm quite OK with it.

Issue 1: FASTING

So as a result of my recent musings about conscious nutrition, I decided to go on a vegan, clean eating, low-carb, detox fasting before Easter, known as Lent.

I guess it's going to be quite hard, because I don't really have the opportunity to eat clean when I'm at home with my parents. But I will try my best.

I'm going to start with goop's '7 day detox' and then doing the clean, vegan, low-carb stuff for the rest of the time with a bit of detoxing in addition.

Already I am very curious about the results and can't wait to begin. I hope to share my daily experience on instagram.


I have mentioned before, I grew up rather isolated and it's hard for me to deal with difficult social scenarios.

I'm a person of few, but strict principles. One of them is being true and open to avoid problems. For some people being too true or open can mean directly asking for problems, but I am very tolerant, and as long as I can relate to something, I forgive relatively easily. Or when that person is sincerely sorry.
I am also mostly not angry for a long time.

So how do you react when you are being wronged?
Do you just swallow it down?
Do you confront the other person with accusations and reproaches?
Do you get aggressive?
Do you stay calm, wait for a good moment and try to approach the subject diplomatically?

As for me, of course it's best when the opponent has the courage to see and admit to his faults and apologizes out of his own accord.
This would show me that the other person has a conscience, appreciates you and is trustworthy after all.

Even when you get back on a trustful relationship through your own approach, it always has the bitter smack of disappointment and doubt.

So anyway when sb has wronged me I don't like to let them get away with it, as I think it would hurt our relationship, even if ever so little.

I try to approach them creating an atmosphere of trust. Trust that they can be honest about their motives (be it that they were too lazy to pull me out of a burning car), that I will never judge them without listening to their story.

At the same time I can't be too soft - 'hey, I'm not angry, but why...' can't be the right start all the time, if it is at all. Being too soft is not only a sign of lacking self esteem, which eventually will show the wrong-doers that they can treat you the way they want, but it will leave you unsatisfied, too, because you haven't shown them how important and hurtful this issue is to you.
Plus you might force out only a half-hearted apology or worst - none at all, because the other sees no fault, when you are even not that upset. No fault, no guilt; he will just say anything to get over with it quickly or even chose to go along with your petty game and play it down to nothing.
Which is never the point. The point is to gain back trust and to integrate the happenings as a part of your relationship's story, as both parties use it to learn out of it through getting to know more about each other.

How to do that I wonder. It is very hard if you deal with an emotionally immature person (not that I'm terribly emotionally mature).

Lastly, not being able to conserve your anger over some time is quite unnerving. I have no problems about forgiving and forgetting if I know the background story and everything, but often I am too understanding.
Being a person with too many flaws myself, of course I tend to feel others better and am more ready to view things relaxed.
But then often something inside me tells me that this fault is actually a sign of lacking respect and appreciation and I can't possibly ignore it just like that.

So yeah, that's that.
I'm still no wiser than before.

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