Wednesday, 26 February 2014

Guess when I had this breakfast! Hint: Can you find resemblances to a clock?

Be prepared for a long wordy post. Bits and thoughts about my recent life.
Right now the weather is a bit dull, despite the last two days being very sunny and it made me feel motivated to go outside and I don't know, go for a walk or jogging (of course I mastered my worldly appetence and didn't leave the house except for grocery shopping). But as the weather is now, I think I like it even more. My favourite weather is rain after all!

We are as it seems moving again. Man, we are moving so much, I guess even for an ambassador child it's not too uncommon. We are moving every 3.6 years, ok I guess that's not too much. This time I'm very unwilling to move and I think the main reason is, not because this is the longest time we stayed in one place, or we moved in because we planned to stay for the rest of our lives, or because I have a huge-ass room with pink-striped walls and a spacious bathroom with beautiful tiles, no, it's because my parents want to let this place. I never got attached to any place we lived so far, but this time I feel bad about leaving because I think I don't like to share. I don't want anyone to inhabit my perfect space. Even though half of the time I live in my own apartment now.
And this annoys me. Either I'm too egoistic or too attached.

Which is the 2nd thing which bothers me. I have always been attached to things I owned. Literally everything. I cherished and loved all stuffs I have and it got more and more. Lately I grew out of it. I often scan through my whole belongings and trash irrational parts or sorting them, well knowing that next time I do that, this piece is gonna say bye-bye. Now that I'm about to pack, I find so many jewellery - presents, shit I bought myself - and I throw some away, but with others, I don't know. It's so much that I still keep and I can't keep an overview of every single one. So irksome, because I don't want to move in with boxes full of nonsense.

3rd thing: Since I live in my own apartment, I developed the following habits/ found out these about myself:
  • I and my room mate are super old-fashioned concerning some things. Littering on the hallway (what is up with you inconsiderate fucktards?) and noise annoyance. I don't know, but indecent persons rank on the top spots of my People Whose Death Is A Welcoming Birthday Present To Even A Stone-list.
  • I hate people who walk inside the apartment without taking of their shoes! How do Americans do this? Mad disgusting, everyone should have 玄関 (genkan), so as to be forced to take off your shoes!!

starting anew, I improved in filtering out things I just own because... from useful and nice stuff. Living a bit along the lines of The Secret I started to think that keeping old stuff, that are pseudo important (let's say e.g. a document stating you aren't ready to take the so-and-so horse-riding-exam) - especially the bad ones - makes you cling to the past or hold you to the past and prevent you from moving on. So I just throw those away, when I have no reason to keep them.

I have seen the new place once. Right now we are living in a modern futuristic place, planned and build from scratch. There used to be many Americans, but as time passed everyone moved away and now it's us. I disliked everything in the beginning, the houses, the weird streets. Now as the area has developed it looks quite nice, we have strange, curved paths (they were build curved!) for people to stroll on with their dogs, and super wide cornfields with forests that seem to run until they merge with the sky. It's a peaceful, but boring place far from town. In fact I find myself thinking it resembles The Shire, somehow.
The new place is close to town but then again a whole different world. It's the last house of a small quarter and directly after that come vineyards. It's old and has a garden huger than ours now. My new room is also quite big and has a quite charming construction. The two major downsides are: it has carpeted floor and no own bathroom. I guess this will be a problem, but I'm not sure. I know how a lot of people complain about sharing bathrooms, but I never had to share mine so I don't know about this.
I don't want to furnish my room in a totally different way from now (again clinging to a pointless past?), so I'm thinking about a style that has slightly matured from the princess room appearance. As I want to keep my bed and sofa and they are both more cottage style, I want to have a grey, beige, dusted pink sort of Victorian room next. I don't plan to invest too much though, as I have my own apartment already, which is kept in a pure, white Scandinavian mood.
I wish my parents would for once let me style the new home.

My La mer Enzyme Peeling just arrived, can't wait to try it out tonight! On my face and feet(!). My feet are terrible. I have so many shits (don't know how the medical term of those are) on the sole of my feet, like cornificatin or the like (let's not get too detailed here). For a time I thought every adult gets those because feet can only carry you through life so much without sooner or later getting those uglinesses, but then I found out people actually have soft and and nice feet despite growing up Haha. I don't know who to blame for my ugly feet, but I have this theory: my feet are just too small for my body and thus when I walk the weight naturally isn't distributed evenly so I just have to end up getting ugly feet. Because I don't wear heels often, I don't wear uncomfortable shoes often, I mostly wear sneakers, flats, etc. But whatever I wear my feet get worse and worse! And it started when I was 10 when my parents made me walk more!

Oh, it's sunny again! Lately I find fashion bloggers are truly ridiculing themselves by wearing open toe/ open shin attire in the midst of winter only to show off style. It can't get really sadder right?

I'm still in a weird mood where I feel cheerful one moment and very depressed the next. Especially when going to bed my head is filled with frustration, fears and negative thoughts. Night changes many thoughts. If this is true then I find that highly interesting. At night I am dreading to sleep. Mostly it's because I don't want to be accompanied by my thoughts, but sometimes maybe it's also because I feel like I have lost a whole day doing nothing and I must catch up on the delay before a new day begins. I'm sure you all know this urge to clean up your messy room at 2am? For me at times I want to write all things in my head down into my diary, I lie in bed and feel the impulse to get up and start writing, and my head is overflowing with thoughts. Then another voice at the same time says, 'what use is this going to have? "Sleep, [...]. Sleep while you can" and safe the energy to utilize tomorrow... morning' And thus I decide to sleep.
But as I notice, writing does help me to get over some things. When I write about things, suddenly they don't seem so bad anymore. And often it is a way to finally get things out of your head.

Chu, Ailing

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