モノクロのキス - SID

I'm really really upset about the ending of 黒執事・サーカスの書(Black Butler, Book of Circus)!!!!


I don't see any justification neither from Ciel's nor the mangaka's side to have people killed who could be rescued!!!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO, whatever you say, it is never the right thing to do! No no no no no no NOOOO!!!!
These guys were friendly to him, ok they did terrible things, but they had their reasons! Reasons, which especially in anime world are very good exuses for murder!!!


Ciel could have rescued them all!!! But he chose to not give a fuck!!!!



Apart from that I'm really annoyed by the very last scene when he laughs out like mad, amused by the fact that humans or himself are worse than akumas!!!
DAFUQ!!!
Le me tell you one thing: Mangas who try to point out that humans are oh so bad are stupid!!!!

I see their retarded point: They think because people have a choice, it is all the more hidoi when they actually commit sins, as opposed to demons, because it lies in their nature!
BULLSHIT!

For a damned little spoiled arrogant brat to assume such things (but that's actually only the mangaka's doing to piss me off even more), kids shouldn't act so high and mighty.
Anyway, not that the speaker of such things changes the content. Imo it is absolutely senseless to assume things about the good- or bad-naturedness of mankind, because we humans are just being the way we exist.

Let me explain: Do you say this elephant or all elephants are evil because some mothers abandon their child after giving birth to them? Of course you don't, they are just animals, they do what they do. They don't think. They just act the way they were born with.
Do you say pelicans are good, because they rip out their own flesh to feed their off springs? As much as we are prone to apply human (actually non-existent) features to their behaviour, we actually can't. The pelican isn't good, or bad. It is just behaving according to it's life (call it instinct or genes if you like to).

And haven't we all agreed on the fact that humans are animals, too?
Yes, I know we reflect on our deeds, we decide on what to do and what to leave well alone, but are we really doing those things against our nature? Or are we not just also acting according to our instincts?

I say we humans, as well as all the other animals, are not free enough, to act on our own will.
When some perverted murderer decides to play a game or a man thinks of a poor woman who is willing to give away her little everything, are they actually pushing the boundaries of human capacities?
Or isn't whatever a human does part of humanity as well?

We can't act beyond our possibilities, everything we do, however beneficial or harmful, is part of our existence.
Therefore one can't say, 'Human are the most cruel creatures of them all, because we kill for joy' or compare us to demons, 'See we are worse than akumas. That is how humans are.' as much as we can't pit animal behaviour patterns against our own thinking. Animals are just what they are, we cannot say god or bad, and humans (as animals) are also what we are. Neither this nor that.


I'm sick of animes or mangakas trying to provoke or be especially modern/ rebellious by coming up with such an obvious and lame message. There are just too many....



One last thing about Ciel.
I totally understand his wish to take revenge for what happened to him and as a kid I was also convinced that I'd personally slaughter anybody who'd kill my family.
And although it's quite abnormal for a such person to do so, we are in anime land, so it's ok.
BUT I find his arrogant behaviour really annoying. I comprehend a certain degree as a necessary feature to follow through with his vengeance, and that even a little more arrogance is necessary to make the character likeable/ provokable enough to be in a manga, but he is even more and that's just impossible!!!

He is far too self-absorbed to be published, especially for his age (or maybe he is like that just because of his age...)

Although his revenge is his sole purpose in life, I can't see why this allows him to put others in the same or even worse misery he has been myself.
If your revenge would turn you into a worse person than your wrongdoers than you absolutely have to back off.

In his great wish to avenge the death of his parents and his own fate Ciel's doesn't care about the amount of corpses that pave his way to his goal and as long as those corpses belong to 'bad' persons I don't care. But how dare he even murdering good people?
He is so wrong.. So wrong..... .____________________.



飽くまで人間ですから
Chu, Ailing

You you are definitely getting really old when all you want for birthday is nothing.
No, wait, let's see...


No, really nothing.
Aaahh money, gimme all your money.


Ok, so here's a really desperate attempt to save my childhood by putting up a wishlist~ Oh my!
(unfortunately that doesn't mean I pick a bunch of pink plushes or glitter pens, too - Mission failed)

for a grown-up and disillusioning start a little riddle involving very much logical adult thinking: winter is coming, I don't own any serious scarf since I grew out elementary school, it's going to be cold I NEED A SCARF pictured: Acne Canada grey melange	A white shearling black leather moto jacket that is. The ONLY jacket I like so far, cuz really I'm a coat-addict. But I'm obsessed with this jacket. pictured: Acne Velocite
	I don't need another bag. But I wouldn't say 'No' to this classic, yet girly pop of colour to make monochrome less monochrome. pictured: The Cambridge Satchel Company Satchel in Peach Pink
Another thing I don't need. Perfumes are still too adultly for me. But after my friend and I pinpoint this fragrance to be like the flavour of avocado shake, I think IF I'd were to express my youthfulness with a scent, it would be Daisy. pictured: MARC JACOBS Daisy Eau de Toilette Lastly, a wish that counts as a child's wish: these absolutely stunning shining silver brushes by Queenie Chan (my idol). Also 'The patented handle is made of aluminium and it can be used for facial massage' for some of them. pictured: SO brushes by SO by Queenie Chan

Give Love - Akdong Musician

A little something I recalled during last night!
First of all paiseh for being so self-absorbed all the time , I really should blog about Ebola or Jonghoon, but alas, this space is only intended for me, me and me.


The reason why the degree of self-absorbed shit varies is because I think I spam 90% of it on twitter. Which is not good. Takes away my blogging material.
So I will stop writing so much on twitter but more here.

Enough!



So I remembered that -
Ok really damn paiseh, let's pretend this happened really a long time ago. Really long time. Like the life before last
Or better we will pretend that it didn't happen yet. Maybe in 6 lives it will happen. (But I'm in my 8th life now so I can still talk in the past form).

A and I were sitting on a certain bridge. With a friend.
We were wearing heels and sitting on this higher (and wide) platform thing which spans along the bridge.

You know climbing up that platform is no biggie with heels. You just jump and then prop yourself with your hands/arms and turn around (or if your arms are too weak/ you can't jump high enough you 'climb' along the wall a bit, works with heels). I know a shitty explanation, just imagine how you get out a pool (without a ladder).

The problem is when you want to get down. You have to jump. But how would risk to jump down with heels? Confirm break your ankles!!!
You could put off your heels of course, but that's really too much + the floor also kinda dirty.

Ok, so this friend helped my friend down (I don't think any of us agreed to have him help us despite having no other option to get down).
The thing with me is - people who know me for some time know it - I can't be touched anywhere around my waist.
I am sensitive as fuck there. I will scream, gasp very loudly and dramatically or maybe the worst gasp-moan (which hasn't happen in a long time /touch wood).

So let's say you are my friend (female) and a guy would help you down this platform. How?
Of course the guy will have to grab you around your waist and lift you down right?
I was wearing a crop top. But hey! I survived being lifted down, that's not what I wanted to talk about.


The thing is that when I 'touched down' I fucking stumbled
Which to this date I find very embarrassing. Like my friend (at least seemed to) landed fine with no problems. The way it should be. He lifted her down and there she stood. From A to B.
I absolutely too stupid to stand. How could I not manage to just keep my feet straight so that I could be placed on the ground just like that?!
Maybe that was due to the suddenness of being forced to be grabbed at my waist and lifted down.

Then yesterday night I noticed that actually the girl stumbles. Right? The girl always stumbles! And then fall against the guy's chest somemore.
Luckily that didn't happen due to my quick reaction and my embarrassment of not being able to simply stand.

But the point is, it is - in a twisted way - not right if I had stood firmly, but I should have rather dunno fainted hahahahaha.



I find it funny that it seemed so absolutely embarrassing to me at first, but now I realize, you can also see it differently.
Some girls stumble on purpose what? (I'm thinking Sailor Moon) (I love Rei + Mamo-chan).
In stories it might seem somewhat romantic, but in real life it is very unglam I mean stumbling is not gracious.


To end this ridiculous entry a scene from the making off of Akdong Musicians Give Love MV:
the girl has to act like she's tripping out of that merry-go-round carriage oh-so-accidently into her crushes arms~ aahh~
but she just can't ㅋㅋ very cute!
And that proves that I am right, stumbling is desirable! My life is like a music video! All girls should stumble!!



Chu, Ailing

Just two pics I took while staying at The Club Hotel.
I find the colours and the gadgets funny.


We Are Handsome 'The Pantera' beach towel, MICHAEL Michael Kors phone wristlet

Let's see if I can blog with a tablet. 

Over the weekend I'm at my parents' and now I realize that I have nothing to do.

Except that I can blog. (or sleep)

An unsettling story.

Came up with this shit the other day.

Once upon a time there was a boy. Everyone loved him as he was always laughing and made people laugh with his cuteness. Although his family was poor he was a happy child.

But he couldn't do very well in school, because unfortunately he wasn't very smart and finally dropped out. On that day he tried to find a job, but nobody wanted to hire him because he had no degree. 

Weeks past and still the boy didn't manage to find work. He started to drink and wasted the little money he had left gambling. 

The old restaurant owner of the small restaurant not far from the boy's house pitied the boy. He was still young and shouldn't waste his life.

One day he went to offer the boy to become a dishwasher at his restaurant. Not that he necessarily needed one or could really afford it, but he just wanted to give the boy something to do. 

Once the boy started to work he was changed. He stopped drinking and doing nonsense all together and became the best and most responsible employee of the old man. Although he only washed the dishes, he took extreme pride in his job and always gave his best. All the other workers there, the old woman at the bar, the granddaughter of the old man who was a waitress and even the dog who was always lying next to the entry, everyone was fond of him. He was not very clever, but very cheerful and nice to everyone and had other good qualities as well, like being very modest.

Often they would tease him, 'Why don't you buy new shoes huh? You want to save money until become millionaire?' But the boy just smiled and didn't answer.

It was true that he didn't spend the little money he earned for anything. He didn't need much as he had always been poor. Food and drinks were already provided by the good people at the restaurant. 

Time past and one day as the boy looked at all his savings he found that he had to give back something to the old restaurant owner to express his deep gratitude. 

He worked harder than ever and it became his greatest wish to repay the old man, who was good to him.

He started to brood on a good present for him, something that would be useful and make his life easier. 

Then finally the boy had saved enough money to buy the present he had thought off. 

He went to the big department store and returned with a dishwasher. 

LOL

Yes I know the story is very retarded. 

Talking about money. 

A few months ago I ordered this lamp. Well those who read that certain blog entry know that I'm obsessed with neon lights.

I bought 3 Seletti neon letters - XXX. As Seletti does designer,  the letters are seriously overpriced. One costs around 55 but you also need a transformer for around another 55 bucks. This would make my lamp 200+ already. 

But I got mine for around 130 only as I chanced upon this offer by monoqi. Or not.

Cuz that was end of May. And the lamp was supposed to be shipped around the beginning of July. 

Well, nada. I mailed and spammed their Facebook without any reply. I cursed them on twitter to no avail.

I filed a report in PayPal. 

Finally someone responded telling me they would send my parcel. It never arrived (I think it either doesn't fit into the PO box thing or idk I didn't went to pick it up because I never received a SMS to do so). Anyway the status of the tracking never was 'received', so eventually PayPal returned my money. 

At that time I couldn't care less, since I also didn't want the lamp anymore if it's really so troublesome. 

Then suddenly mid September I receive a mail from the shop telling me they shipped the parcel but it got returned and if my address was correct or do I want to change it.

???

Of course I change one lar,  can get the lamp for ZERO money! (I was staying at my parent's so change to their address).

They send again, but it also never arrive! Fucking unable can?! I message asking whether tracking lags (read 'shipment order received' or so forever) and they tell me it was returned again and they gave me wrong tracking number also.... ccb

So yes the lamp was shipped out again and this time I finally received it. wtf

But I got for free la so actually cannot complainㅋㅋ

A 200 bucks lamp for fucking free!!!!

Next week I ask my bro to mount for me! Woohooo~

Shall take pics.

Talking abt my bro, he actually made me change my fb do pic! 

Wao lao! The title so drama one!
Just a quickie before I off to school!!! (OTL)

My entries get more and more self-obsessed... But that's exactly the point isn't it? (omg what's w this friggin point...)


Anw, ytd night I have been thinking about one of the many points which don't make me very feminine (aka shu nu!).
For one my annoying deep and loud voice and the many un-nice terms I knock out every two FUCK.


Then, different from my girl friends, I don't easily cry.
I actually never cry.

Who of my friends saw me cry? (Actually all, since I don't have many, but yeah... they have been with me for 10+ yrs, soo)

But how often? ONCE
(if you don't count A. who knows me as a malicious, spoiled brat who cried every day at least thrice)


But I'm talking crying about sad or scary thing?!
No, Sir, not me.
(I did tear up/ half cry during Troy and I'm still on the verge of tearing up (only!) whenever Priam goes to seek Achilles)

Here are the two occasions on which I cried publicly:

The 5 of us were staying in a dance camp at that time. (long time ago).
We actually lived in a apartment kind of place, with 3 bedrooms.
I and a friend stayed together, then well, Cy and another friend T., and one of our friend stayed alone.

Cy somehow didn't like to stay w T that one night and wanted to stay w me. So in the evening everyone kinda gathered at my room, except for T.
She was kind of angry or so and I don't remember what she did.

We talked random crap for a very long time when we noticed that T had been in the bathroom for quite a while and flushing water.
We asked her what she was doing I think, but she didn't really reply or so, just asking us to leave her alone, or said nothing... idk sth like that.
(I guess we might have been loudly whispering about what she was doing)
After more time passed and she was still in the bathroom we started to worry and asked her to come out, which she refused to do.
But she would laugh madly. Like really crazy. The crazy witches in the movies cannot quite laugh as mad as she did.

I started to panick and told everyone if they had noticed that in the last days her laughter had change, from normal to gradually getting more and more maniac. (That is true!)
The others agreed and I (being a stupid pre-teen) started to say that maybe she was changing into a witch. That in reality she was sth evil or so (siao I know, forgive me!)

The other girls also started to panic and one of us cried. We told her not to cry and that there must be sth very normal going on. After a while she calmed down.
But T was still in the bathroom acting weird. And we worried a lot.
Somehow another of us cried. We all pacified her while demanding her to come out.
Again the second friend stopped to cry and we all kinda continued with our girl's talk, while still being very confused about T.

Finally the 3rd friend cried (Note: I was nowhere near crying, though scared nonetheless. But I just don't feel any 'reason' any 'urge' to cry. Like ok, I'm scared, but cry? Far away from crying! While all my friends cried already!!).
I think we all told T. sth like, 'T. come out! We are all v scared of your behaviour! Look, Cy is crying!!' But T. wouldn't listen.

Then suddenly she jumped into out room, her face distorted, screaming!!!!

We freaked out like mad, ran out to find the older girls, yelling and trying to explain to them what happend all at the same time.
Finally our dance teacher came to find T.

She told us that T. was crying and that we should all go to bed.
We went back to our dorms. But still gathered at my room.

Now, suddenly when everything was over. I kinda break down and cry! DAFUQ?!
Very siao right? Suddenly cry cause of nothing.... Tsk.. Drama much...

The 2nd time was only recently (thus this blog entry). God, before I didn't cry in like 10 years or so!!!
So we were saying goodbye at the airport.
My friend, A was already very near crying as we drove there, telling me that she had a lump in her throat.

Ok, I felt nothing. I know I wouldn't cry, just like when you want to buy bread and why should you cry?
I know this was goodbye, that we had a wonderful time, that I will miss my friend and like them very much and yeah... facts. Like, heck facts, nothing else....
Ok, wait I felt terrible. But really ok, mentally yes, but also and more present - physical pain. Like sick and cannot breath (I have breathing problems during sensitive moments)
But hell, no crying, feel nothing near to crying.

My friend started to silently cry into her hoodie. She buried her face in it and we just knew she was crying. The others were comforting her. I felt nothing. Really.
Ok, A got a grip and she said to me, 'Ok, let's go'.

That kind of triggered it but, no! Not yet!
Someone made a joke, I half laughed half cried. I think if anyone noticed the half crying part at the moment, they must think I totally crazy already.
I had to make the laugh kinda loud and hysteric to literally laugh down the crying.

Bla bla a few minutes later she said it again 'Let's go! (and as I'm writing this I'm feeling the pain... eargh)
This time, although I wanted to silently cry like A. I totally couldn't!!
Do you know it when you start to cry you and you have no air inside your lungs (breathing problems) you have to take a deep breath otherwise you idk... suffocate?
I guess this doesn't make any sense, so I just had to breath in. But couldn't do so quietly, since I needed so much air to breath in and I had to cry haha
So finally I breathed in, it fucking sounded very dramatic I guess and then it was too late and I was sobbing my heart out hahahaha

Like I was not tearing or crying I was weeping somewhat loudly.
Until I calmed down then when we really left I burst out again. Very short only.

This makes me wonder about how easily and how often people cry.
I certainly don't cry often when sad.

I rather cry when I'm angry. When I'm angry I'm bursting out with tears any time (I actually 'cried' only a few days before cause of my very charming parents messaging me with fucking tasks while I'm on the other side of the globe. But that I can do silently!
During times when I fight often with other people I also 'cry' very often. Not because I especially sad or so, I just can't stop it.


On the other hand, I guess when people cry while fighting it is also some kind of sadness?
Sadness that the other party doesn't understand you, or doesn't want to understand you, that they treat you unfair and don't care for you at all. That you can't make them understand!
Something like that...


Oh I suddenly remember, actually I started to think about 'crying' when I watched Jessica and Krystal's reality show and Jessica said that both of them don't cry when sad, but only when angry...
Ok, that's it.
Chu, Ailing